Everybody Must Get Stoned

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 20, 2020

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It’s a circus right now around the courthouse where Roger Stone will be sentenced today — media, citizen activists calling Bill Barr et al out, MAGAs romancing the stone. Trump is watching it on TV in his underwear during his executive time. He retweeted a clip of Tucker Carlson opining that Roger Stone should be pardoned. Trump is going to pardon Roger Stone. The question is when? Right after he’s sentenced for maximum effect on TV? The day he’s supposed to start serving his time? The day after he goes to jail so the media will clamor around him and eat up valuable news time taking attention away from whatever other crimes Trump will be committing in the near future? Let’s go Roger, let’s go! Let’s go Roger, let’s go! Everybody must get stoned!

The Republicans have nothing to say about any of this and they won’t have anything to say about any of this because Republicans are rolling stones who gather no loss. Their base does not care if they’re all criminals and traitors so let’s get stoned!

“The Republican Senators (with the exception of Mitt Romney) own every one of these corrupt pardons. And Trump owns every one of those corrupt Republican Senators.” — Glenn Kirschner

Trump says that Rod Blagojevich did not sell Obama’s senate seat. Trying to sell the seat is not the same as actually selling the seat. No crime! No crime! Trumps says poor Rod was set up by Jim Comey but that’s a big fat lie because Comey wasn’t even at the DOJ when Blagojevich was prosecuted. Republicans don’t care that he told another stone cold big fat lie because it’s just one more big fat lie, a stone’s throw from the next big fat lie.

Trump thinks that when he pardons somebody he’s undoing their convictions. The president’s pardon and clemency powers are supposed to be used to correct injustice or grant mercy to someone who has clearly paid their debt to society and is remorseful — not to give immunity to Trump’s buddies. It’s not supposed to be a get out of jail free card. But in Trump’s Monopoly administration, it is.

Trump had former Republican congressman, Dana Rohrabacher meet with Julian Assange in 2017 to tell him that if he says that Russia had nothing to do with the DNC leaks and the hacking our election he’ll pardon him. Trump’s so called press secretary says Trump barely knows Rohrabacher. He’s never spoken to him. This is a complete fabrication and a total lie. It’s a never ending hoax from the DNC.

Reminder: A month before Trump got the nomination, stoned faced GOP House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy was taped in a private conversation telling other GOP leaders “There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump.” Paul Ryan swore everyone there to secrecy. The Republicans made a pact. If we get hammered for this we’ll just tell the press that we were really stoned.

The newest acting member of Trump’s administration is Richard Grenell. He’s the ambassador to Germany right now but Trump is killing two birds with one stone by having him also serve as the acting director of national intelligence at the same time. Grenell has no intelligence experience. He’s a hard core MAGA and will do anything Trump tells him to do. His allegiance is set in stone.

Trump is really going for it at his MAGA rallies, demonizing immigrants, practically saying they should all be stoned to death. The crowds love it. These rabid get togethers are a stepping stone to full on xenophobic mass crimes.

One positive thing to come out of this shit show is the Democrats have risen to the challenge and have really grown a pair. The threat of losing our democracy is the cornerstone for the party. The Democrats will leave no stone unturned. The Democrats will get us through this.

Democrats are no longer the party of sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me party. They really went for it last night in their presidential debate. Balls out.

When this is all over Oliver Stone should make a movie — “The Stonewalling of America.”

Trump’s headstone should read: Here lies the great American liar. He made America great again by exposing everything that wasn’t so great about US so we could face it, own it and change.

Wisdom of the ages to all who are a nervous wreck, who wake up every morning and check their phones to see if Trump started WWIII in the middle of the night, who fear that there will be no end to this freaking nightmare: This too shall pass. But sometimes it passes like a kidney stone.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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