Exhaust

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMar 11, 2019

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The laziest president in history spent all weekend golfing again. He told some of his admirers at the club, “I said you know what, I’ll sneak out, play a little golf, I’ll come home and relax.” They thought that was a fine idea even though he’s there all the time. They all like to relax.

He told some of his donors at the club that Democrats hate Jewish people.

They’re really going for it over at Fox News attacking Ilhan Omar. All of a sudden Fox News is the #1 defender of the Jews.

Cindy Yang steered rich Chinese business men to Trump’s fundraiser in New York which made Trump very happy. You give me lots of money and give my daughter lots of trademarks and I’ll give you ____________________.

One of the Chinese trademarks Ivanka got was for voting machines. What for?

Trump is going to ramp up his demands for his wall today. In his budget he is going to ask for $8.6 billion for his wall as well as increased military spending while cutting domestic programs. The MAGAs will love it and accuse Democrats for being for wide open borders so that tens of thousands of people will storm into the country daily. There’s never been one Democrat to advocate for open borders. Not one. That’s a right wing talking point.

Former Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella Jr. of Pennsylvania got 28 years in jail for taking $1 million in bribes from developers of juvenile detention centers and then presiding over cases that would send juveniles to those same centers otherwise known as “kids-for-cash.” Like Manafort, he asked for leniency and mercy because he had already been punished enough. People were mean to him.

More people are making more money off of migrant kids in detention centers at the border and nobody is being mean to them. Yet.

Trump’s senior campaign adviser, Katrina Pierson, responded to the question, why are there are so few black people in Trump’s administration by answering, “How many black people were in Abraham Lincoln’s West Wing? Is Abraham Lincoln a racist because he didn’t have a black person in the White House?”

MAGA Fun Fact: Michael the Black Man (aka Maurice Woodside, Michael Symonette and Mikael Israel,) the black guy who stands behind Trump at his rallies with the “Blacks for Trump” sign, is a former cult member of the violent black Yahweh ben Yahweh cult of the 1980s in Miami, Florida. They killed people. He got arrested and charged for one murder and one attempted murder and was found not guilty. The cult leader went to jail for 20 years. He’s on record for accusing Oprah of being the devil and Barack Obama of being endorsed by the KKK. He’s a perfect fit for Trump, even if he is black.

Pete Buttigieg gave a really good town hall last night in Austin, Texas. He’s a Democrat running for president. Right now he’s the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. When asked why he thinks Mike Pence, the former governor of Indiana, would support a porn star presidency given his “religious views,” he said he doesn’t know for sure but Pence may have stopped believing in scripture when he started believing in Donald Trump.

This week in Trumpland: Roger Stone gag order update on Monday and on Wednesday, Paul Manafort will get sentenced in DC court and there will be a sentencing update on Mike Flynn.

Keeping up with all of this is exhausting.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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