Fair Game

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 24, 2023

Mar-a-Lago indictments could come soon because Trump is panicking. He wrote a letter to AG Merrick Garland on his lawyers’ letterhead and had them sign it saying Trump has been treated unfairly. They asked if they could meet with him as soon as possible. Trump posted the letter on Truth Social.

Trump’s lawyer, Alina Habba, says it’s not fair to accuse Trump of crimes like espionage because those crimes are “mundane.”

Trump appeared in a New York court on a large video screen in front of two American flags, seated next to his attorney to face his fate there. His criminal trial for the hush money payments is set for March 25, 2024. He’s pissed. Not fair!

E. Jean Carroll has filed new claims against Trump seeking $10 million for disparaging comments he made about her during the CNN town hall. That sounds fair.

Ron DeSantis is going to announce he’s running for president in an interview with Elon Musk on Twitter, proving that Twitter is a Republican platform. So much for conservatives whining about big tech being biased towards Democrats. Former CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey, never interviewed a Democratic presidential candidate or told tweeters to vote for Democrats. Mark Zuckerberg didn’t launch Joe Biden on Facebook. That wouldn’t have been fair. DeSantis is doing it this way because there are tons of bots on Twitter that will drive algorithms to the top, giving him lots of fake attention and advantage. The only problem is the real live old white people who might actually vote for him are too old for Twitter. They don’t tweet. The only tweet they know is from their youth when they rocked in the tree tops all day long with Bobby Day, tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee, tweet, tweet, tweet tweet.

Desantis picked his nose and wiped it on somebody on camera.

Token minority Tim Scott has formally entered the presidential race to run against Trump. Republicans supporting him compare him to Reagan. He says, “I’m the candidate the far left fears the most”. Nope. Tim Scott says he was 46 when he lost his virginity because he’s an evangelical and was saving himself for Republican Jesus. What’s to fear about that? He’s a minority over there and he’s letting himself be exploited. He even said during his announcement, “Less CRT and more ABC’s!” The fair use doctrine for sleazy politicians — use and be used. Minorities aren’t minorities on the left. They’re everywhere. Over there, Uncle Tim’s cabin is filled with smiling, back slapping white guys with the same haircut.

Nikki Haley has been unofficially campaigning in New Hampshire. At a Politics and Eggs breakfast she thought she’d get a laugh when she said, “Everybody know about Dylan Mulvaney? Bud Light? That is a guy, dressed as a girl, making fun of women.” Silence. No applause like she usually gets because she was in the North where things tend to be more fair for transgenders. It’s politically incorrect to make fun of my fair ladies.

A macho white guy fuckhead walked into a Target to film himself destroying signage for Pride Month. Then a bunch of homophobes invaded Target stores to bully employees. Why is it that it’s always macho white guy fuckheads that do this kind of stuff? You don’t see neatly groomed, metrosexuals tearing down sexist images of the patriarchy in stores and that shit is everywhere, all the time, and has been there ever since corporations started selling to us.

Target is removing Pride merchandise from their stores to protect the security of their employees. Fair?

Lauren Boebert said, during a hearing on drug pricing, that she got knocked up because the price of birth control was too expensive. “I left a prescription at a pharmacy once. I went to get birth control — the price was very, very high and I said, ‘It’s cheaper to have a kid.’ And I left it there, and now I have my third son.” If only life were more fair and there was an organization that provided birth control to folks who can’t afford it… you know, so you can PLAN your PARENTHOOD? Oh wait. Lauren Boebert voted against the right to contraception.

It costs about $250,000 to raise a kid. More if you buy them guns.

State fair fun fact: If each state had fairer representation (no gerrymandering and more senators for more populous states) there wouldn’t be as many Republicans in government.

--

--

Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.