Faking It ’til They Make It

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMar 10, 2025

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Trump canceled $400 million in grants for Columbia University as payback for the free Palestine demonstrations on campus. He claims that they haven’t done enough to squelch antisemitism on campus.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth had the Pentagon remove the name of the plane from the archives that dropped the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima, the Boeing B-29 named the ‘Enola Gay’ because it had the word “gay” in it.

Another Space X rocket malfunctioned, blew up and fell into the sea. This is the second failed attempt this year. It’s becoming a regular thing. His rockets are blowing up as he blows up the US government. Air traffic controllers are being fired by a billionaire whose space rockets keep falling from the sky and exploding.

Elon Musk admitted that they don’t have enough air traffic controllers which could have something to do with the many plane crashes that have happened since Trump and Musk took control. He’s stripping air traffic control so he can hand it over to his own Starlink satellite system and his AI company.

Trump told his cabinet that Elon can’t fire anybody on their teams.

Trump said that he is “strongly considering” large scale sanctions and tariffs on Russia and “a new deal for Iran.”

Trump could revoke the legal status of 240,000 Ukrainian refugees.

The Secret Service shot somebody with a gun outside of the White House.

Charlie Kirk wrote an article telling people to shut up about egg prices since Trump is saving us all so much money by firing people. Trump posted Charlie Kirk’s article and told people to shut up.

Elon Musk called for an investigation into Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Trump at she finds it easier dealing with Russia than Ukraine regarding the war. He finds oligarchs to be “really fine people.” Trump said Russia has “all the cards.” When asked if he believes that Vladimir Putin wants peace, he said, “yeah… I believe him”.

A MAGA citizen was racially profiled by ICE and treated like shit. He couldn’t believe how he was treated. Now he’s not so sure he likes Trump anymore.

The Trump administration is preparing to force more companies to stop working in Venezuela.

A state senator in Utah, Daniel Thatcher, is calling it quits. He has been a Republican since he joined the Senate in 2011 and now he’s leaving the party. He’s joining the Forward Party in an attempt to “break the deadlock in politics.”

The San Antonio Wax Museum removed the statue of Trump because visitors kept punching it.

Trump got 650 workers at Jack Daniel’s laid off. That’s 12% of it’s workforce.

Peaceful protests are happening all across the country but the mainstream media isn’t covering them. Proof of their existence can be found on social media where people are posting videos of themselves demonstrating.

“I say a rally a day keeps the fascists away.” — Jamie Raskin

South Carolina carried out its first execution by firing squad since 2010.

When Fox News’ Maria Bartiromo asked Trump if he was expecting a recession this year he replied, “Um….There is a period of transition…….I think it will be great.”

The White House official website posted an articled entitled, “Yes, Biden Spent Millions on Transgender Animal Experiments” with a message, “The Fake News losers at CNN immediately tried to fact check it, but President Trump was right (as usual.)

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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