Fight, Fight, Fight!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 14, 2023

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Trump is prescreening foot soldiers to expand his power once he gets elected. Guys like this.

Kevin McCarthy walked by Tim Burchett after a GOP conference meeting and shoved him. The guy’s back was to him and McCarthy assaulted him in front of the press and his entourage (he’s not Speaker anymore but he still behaves like he is just like Trump still acts like he’s president). As Kevin walked off snickering with his friends like bullies in junior high, Burchett yelled, “Why’d you elbow me in the back Kevin?! Hey Kevin, you got any guts!?” Then the guy chased Kevin down the hall - a couple of trouble makers in junior high. After he caught up to him he asked, “Hey Kevin, why’d you walk behind me and elbow me in the back?” McCarthy denied doing it even though he did it in front of a reporter who was recording it. These were the first words spoken between the two since Burchett voted to fire McCarthy as Speaker. Burchett called him a jerk before threatening him, “You need security Kevin!”

Meanwhile in the Senate, Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin picked a fight with Sean O’Brien, the president of the Teamsters. O’Brien is a bad ass and nobody messes with him. Mullin thinks he’s a bad ass so he thought he could use his power as an elected official to mess with him. The labor union president was there testifying before the Senate Help Committee. Mullin read aloud a mean tweet that O’Brien had posted about him where he said he’d take Mullin “any time, any place” then challenged him to a fist fight right then and there. A US senator stood up, in a Senate hearing, and challenged a witness to a fight. Bernie Sanders is the chair of the committee and put an end to the embarrassing display. He told Mullin, “You’re a US Senator, now act like it.” Mullin is a Republican and sure does act like it.

Hunter Biden’s daughter, Naomi, has secret service protection because she’s the president’s granddaughter (and has the unfortunate circumstance of being related to Republican Enemy #1, the guy with the laptop). Somebody tried to break into the Secret Service vehicle parked outside of her home in DC. The Secret Service shot at somebody but nobody got hurt.

Judge Aileen Cannon is helping Trump out by denying his request to kick his classified documents trial down the road. She did it without prejudice which means she can do it later. She’ll let him know in March. Then she cancelled all other trial dates which helps Trump because by keeping that date in pencil she can keep kicking the date down the road until it’s after the election, thus keeping Fanni Willis from getting a date for her trial before the election. Cannon may not know what she’s doing as a judge but she does know what she’s doing as a MAGA.

Trump has threatened and insulted every prosecutor and judge except Aileen Cannon.

SCOTUS has come up with a code of ethics to appease everybody because everybody hates them and doesn’t trust them. It’s all for show. There is nothing written in their code of ethics that has a remedy for what can be done if any of them get caught breaking the law or taking bribes. Their code of ethics can’t be enforced. It’s a joke. The most corrupt court in history is a fascist, cultish joke. The bullies on the bench are laughing at us.

Trump is using Nazi language in his speeches. They’re trying Hitler’s talking points out, using MAGA audiences as a focus group for their fascist ideas and plans. Those in Trump’s inner circle are prescreening foot soldiers to expand his power. They’ll fight for him without asking any questions. Trump is on the lookout for 54,000 loyalists that he can put in place to serve as his army on day 1 of his presidency. Trump plans on declaring Martial law on his first day to keep us all under control. He’ll use the military to put us in camps if he doesn’t like us. He actually said that. This is the first time a major political party has expounded fascist ideals on the campaign trail. Nobody is fighting him. This could be disasterous if he wins the election. People didn’t take him seriously in 2016 and they’re not taking him seriously now. The Germans didn’t put up a fight either.

Trump is threatening to put his enemies in mental institutions when he gets elected. He’s been threatening to put them in jail for a long time, but now it’s mental institutions. Trump belongs in a mental institution. No, jail.

Another presidential debate went by without Trump. He opted to do a MAGA rally nearby instead so he could hog all the media attention. Trump says he’ll skip the fourth debate too. He doesn’t have to debate like a normal candidate. People like him and will vote for him because he’s a dick.

Nancy Mace is doing everything she can to get media attention. She wants Trump to notice her because she wants to be VP. Elise Stefanik and Marjorie Taylor Greene want to be VP, too. Trump is going to love watching three women compete for his attention. Fight! Fight! Fight!

President Biden is making historical progress every day but nobody’s talking about him because he’s boring. He’s not out there making scenes and starting fights. That’s why the media ignores him. He’s not a dick.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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