Finding Out

Spike Dolomite
3 min readAug 22, 2023

--

Fulton County Jail 1950

Co-defendant John Eastman is at the Fulton County Jail right now getting booked. He fucked around and he’s finding out now. He had to post a $100,000 bond and must report to pre-trial supervision every 30 days. He can’t break any federal, state, or local laws while he awaits trial. Shit is getting real for people who don’t live in reality.

Trump’s bond in Fulton County has been set for $200,000. He was given a list of conditions he must meet including not posting or re-posting anything on social media that threatens or intimidates witnesses, jurors, prosecutors, or the judge. A judge finally placed a gag order on fat mouth Trump. “The order prohibits the former president from making any “direct or indirect threat of any nature” against witnesses or co-defendants, and from communicating in any way about the facts of the case with them, except through attorneys.” He’ll turn himself in on Thursday. He wanted to turn himself in on Wednesday to suck up all the media attention so it would ruin the debate for his competition but his attorneys advised him against it. The day after the debate is the next best thing.

This is the first criminal indictment where Trump hasn’t received special treatment by not having to post a cash bond. He would like special treatment, however, by being given the option to use his own mug shot.

Trump is too afraid to debate people who are afraid of him. Everybody on the debate stage, with the exception of Chris Christie, refuses to run against Trump. In normal times Republicans would make crap up to hit their opponents with but when it comes to Trump, they won’t even hit him with the truth.

What passes for political courage for Republicans these days is pathetic. Telling the simple truth is too risky for them. Stating the obvious when the coast is clear and Trump isn’t looking is not brave. The only heroes of this era are the cops who defended the Capitol, Democrats for having the guts to take Trump on, and the judicial branch for keeping democracy from falling apart.

Republicans don’t honor or support America’s heroes — they stick it to veterans by making them fend for themselves once they risk their lives for the rest of us, they refused to care for dying 9/11 first responders, and they wouldn’t recognize the cops that saved their lives on January 6. Congressional medals were given to them before the Republicans took over in the House in January. While President Biden spent the day honoring the heroes who defended democracy Kevin McCarthy spent the day kissing the asses of those who tried to destroy it by campaigning for Speaker.

The haters are criticizing Biden for petting a cadaver dog while he was in Hawaii yesterday thanking the heroes who rescued and recovered people in the Maui fire. Haters don’t have dogs so they don’t pet them. They kick them.

Speaking of unpatriotic, traitorous Republicans, the Freedom Caucus is demanding an end to all prosecutions of Trump and his criminal associates or else they’ll shut the government down.

The Freedom Caucus is still busy trying to impeach Biden. Idiot Lauren Boebert went on Newsmax and said there shouldn’t be a “process” to impeach Biden like gathering evidence and hearing both sides — she says they should just skip straight to an “up-and-down vote.” That’s not something that is done in a democracy but she wouldn’t know that because she has no idea what a democracy is or how government runs.

Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Maria Bartiromo’s show on Fox and said, “The more times they indict Trump, the more people realize that the Biden administration is a communist regime. And for the first time, Americans are actually seeing what communism really looks like.” Marjorie Taylor Greene has no idea what communism looks like.

Americans are still waiting for Republicans in Congress to get indicted for attempting a coup. They won’t have to take any time off from work to prepare their legal defense because they don’t actually work. They haven’t done any real governing since they became the majority in the House in January. All they’ve done this whole time is put on a show about investigating the Bidens and it’s all for show. They’re fucking around. They’ll find out. We’ll all get to find out.

--

--

Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

Responses (9)