Fitness Test

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 30, 2021

Hurricane Ida hit Louisiana yesterday on the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, which killed more than 1,800 people in 2005. Ida is a Category 4 hurricane (the worst since the 1850s) which has a force so strong it temporarily reversed the direction of the Mississippi River and shredded the sides and tops of buildings, one at a hospital. 1 million people have no power. The good news is no federal levees failed.

Knowing that Ida was on its way, Governor Ron Death Sentence went ahead and left Florida to attend a Republican fundraiser in New Jersey but made sure to order 14 portable morgues to store dead Floridians in before he pulled a Ted Cruz and abandoned his state in a crisis.

Covid is 30% worse now in Florida than it was in January. August has been the worst month since the pandemic began in spite of the vaccine. In Orange County, kids ages 5 to 14 have been hit the hardest. The positivity rate for them is 20%. A judge ruled that Ron Death Sentence’s ban on mask mandates for schools is unconstitutional, finally. Luckily for some, half of the schools in Florida had already defied the sadist governor’s mandate including Orange County. The governor of Florida is knowingly killing children and nobody is trying to stop him. He is unfit to serve and should be stopped.

A radiation oncologist in Florida says his hospital is so overwhelmed with covid patients that he had to turn away a cancer patient who needed to be transferred there, because there wasn’t any room. In his 60 years of treating patients, this has never happened before.

A 46 year old veteran, Daniel Wilkinson, died of gallbladder pancreatitis in Houston, Texas because there were no beds available in the ICU.

Texas is a mess even though they have 700 extra nurses from out of state.

26 rural hospitals in Texas have closed over the past 10 years because Republicans have refused to expand Medicaid so that 1.6 million uninsured people can get insurance through Obamacare. Rural hospitals couldn’t afford to treat so many people for free so they closed. Now with covid, people living in rural Texas are out of luck if they get sick. They’ll have to drive a long distance to get to a hospital and once they’re there they won’t get admitted. The urban hospitals who have been forced to treat so many unvaccinated, uninsured patients could go under because health care in America is a for profit enterprise. They can’t make any money off of their most expensive patients.

The county in South Dakota where the annual Sturgis Biker Rally was held just saw another increase in covid cases. They’re up 1,550% over the past 2 weeks, 6 times as many cases for the entire state. Their governor, Kristi Noem, isn’t worried because she doesn’t care.

The governor of Mississippi, Tate Reeves, isn’t worried either because they have Jesus. He says that the people of Mississippi aren’t afraid of covid because they “believe in eternal life.” They’re ready for Heaven!

A prison doctor in Arkansas who prescribed the horse de-wormer to inmates is now under investigation by the medical board.

Anti-vax holy man Pastor Tim Parsons of Kentucky, who told his congregation not to wear masks in church and to pray the virus away has dropped dead from covid.

A 42 year old guy in Missouri, Ben Anderson, refused to get the vaccine and not only did he get covid, he passed it on to all 7 of his kids, ages 3 to 18. His wife didn’t get it because she was vaccinated. The vaccine kept her from getting sick but it didn’t keep her from having to care for 7 sick kids and a shitty husband who ended up on a ventilator for 6 weeks in the ICU.

Another asshole anti-vax dad, Caleb Wallace of Texas, who became famous for demanding the end of “covid tyranny” has died even though he took the horse de-wormer. He abandoned 3 kids and a pregnant wife. He was only 30.

Judges are stripping divorced parents who refuse to get vaccinated of their custody rights because the parents’ so called rights are infringing on their kids’ rights. They’re knowingly putting their own children in danger which makes them unfit parents.

QAnon lunatic and anti-vax conspiracy theorist, Robert David Steele, has died of covid after hogging a ventilator. He used to go on Alex Jones’s show a lot. Conspiracy theorists say he was murdered.

The daily average for hospitalized covid patients is now more than 100,000 - higher than last winter when there was no vaccine. The unfit to survive have done this to themselves.

100,000 more unfit people are expected to die from covid before the end of 2021.

Human beings are evolving themselves right off of the planet with climate change and covid. The smart ones will survive but they’ll be left to clean up the mess, pick up the broken pieces, put some back together and toss the rest, and go on, because they’ve passed the fitness test.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.