Flipping Out

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 24, 2018

Trump’s long time buddy, the king of fake news (The National Enquirer,) David Pecker, has been cooperating with the feds for over a year and has been granted immunity in exchange for opening his vault. Pecker has a special hush money vault that he keeps Trump’s secrets in. Pecker is known as the “catch and kill” guy who bribes people by buying scandalous stories so they won’t talk. What’s in Pecker’s vault? Could it be all of the women who have accused Trump of sexual assault, including Katie Johnson who was 13 at the time? The government has flipped Pecker’s catch and kill game by getting him to flip on Trump. Trump is flipping out.

Peter Pecker packed a pail of peckers. How many presidents did he flip?

Before there was Fox News there was the National Enquirer.

Trump has been working with the National Enquirer, the super market tabloid that is the only thing MAGAs ever read (in line at the grocery store while buying beer and beef jerkey,) for years to shape his brand. The Enquirer published complimentary cover stories of Trump during the campaign where he was depicted as a real live very stable genius with super hero powers and Crooked Hillary as a pregnant alien from another planet, sent to destroy Earth. Only Trump could destroy her.

Michael Avenatti says he’ll get to question Trump under oath before Mueller does.

The Manhattan Attorney General is considering charges against 2 top executives of the Trump Organization for reimbursing $420,000 to Michael Cohen to commit crimes for Trump, among other things. Cohen billed the organization monthly for “legal services” so the organization could repay the debt and deduct it on its taxes. Who are the top 2 executives? Could one of them be Don, Jr? Would he flip on his dad? Trump must be flipping out.

Trump is tweeting in the middle of the night again. NO COLLUSION! NO COLLUSION! WITCH HUNT! CROOKED HILLARY! Trump is flipping out.

Trump says the stock market would crash if he was impeached and everybody would be poor.

Trump says he gives himself an A+ on his presidency so far and doesn’t know how you impeach somebody who is doing a good job.

“’I don’t see how you can impeach somebody who is doing a good job.’ Oh, right. He might as well just say it: ‘What’s with the opposition to Mussolini? Didn’t he make the trains run on time?’” — Laurence Tribe

Republican hypocrite fun fact: National Security Advisor John Bolton says the president is not a national security risk. He’s flipping out and he has the nuclear codes, but he’s not a national security risk.

Duncan Hunter, the guy who has refused to drop out of the congressional race even though he and his wife have been indicted for ripping off his campaign, is the same guy who pulled an award winning painting made by a high school student down off of the wall in the Capitol because he didn’t like it.

Trump took a shot at Jeff Sessions during his Fox News interview so then Sessions took a shot right back at him by releasing a public statement saying that the Department of Justice won’t be pushed around. Trump still thinks that Jeff Sessions is supposed to be his personal attorney and that he flipped on him by recusing himself. Trump said he gave Sessions the job because he was a loyal supporter and now he’s pissed because Sessions isn’t taking care of him like Michael Cohen used to do.

Lindsey Graham said that Trump won’t fire Sessions until after the November election. That doesn’t sound like Lindsey. When did he flip? Probably when The Dallas Morning News reported last year that he was one of several Republicans who took campaign contributions from a Ukrainian oligarch in business with two Russian oligarchs.

Michelle Bachman said that Obama and Clinton should be in jail because they spied on Trump.

Newt Gingrich said that the slain Iowa student should be good for the Republicans in the midterms because she was killed by a Mexican immigrant. The family of the victim has asked the media and the Republicans to not use their daughter’s murder as a political pawn but they don’t give a flipping fuck.

None of the senators who voted to impeach Clinton have said a word about Trump this week. More and more players in Trump’s criminal enterprise are starting to flip flop around. They may be flipping their lids behind closed doors but they’re locking arms in front of those closed, locked doors because they’re scared they’ll be next.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

ACTION ITEM FOR TODAY: Post about Democrats needing to turn out in record numbers to vote in November because the Russians have already hacked this election.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.