Floating Debris

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 5, 2021


March 4 came and went and Joe Biden is still president. Q was wrong again. The only MAGAs who showed up at the Capitol looked pretty stupid standing there in their MAGA hats. Now everybody is making fun of the four them on the internet which sucks for them because that’s where they live.

The FBI arrested Federico Klein, a former employee of the State Department, for his role in the insurrection. He was there. This is the first case of a member of the Trump administration facing criminal prosecution in connection with the terrorist attack on the Capitol. He was part of the mob that accessed the Capitol via an underground tunnel. The tunnel entrance is something people new to DC would most likely not be aware of. That mob definitely knew the layout of the Capitol. He was wearing his work clothes (a suit) and a MAGA hat.

New information on the insurrection: Nearby police agencies were alerted 2 days before the attack but due to lack leadership and coordination they weren’t utilized, the Proud Boys were planning on shutting down the water system in downtown Washington DC, and lots of stuff was hidden in the bushes around the Capitol.

Congressman Eric Swalwell, a former prosecutor and one of the House managers, filed a lawsuit against Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Junior and Congressman Mo Brooks for their role in the January 6 attack.

A grand jury in Georgia has begun hearing the case against Trump for tampering with the 2020 election.

The reading of the covid relief bill went on until the middle of the night, accomplishing nothing except exhausted, hoarse Senate clerks. Nobody stuck around for it, even Mitt Romney who supported Ron Johnson’s stunt. Ron Johnson said he did it because he was “resisting.”

That’s all the repugs have got left — stunts. As they get sucked under by the current of karma and justice, they’re grabbing at floating debris and holding on for dear life. Oh look! Neanderthal! Grab it! Joe Biden called their attitudes about the covid bill “neanderthal” so they are FREAKING OUT. How dare he insult us and Neanderthals like that! Neanderthals were good people! Marsha Blackburn called Biden out by saying that being called Neanderthal was actually a compliment because they were resilient!

Marco Rubio wants the president to apologize for calling them Neanderthals. He tweeted: President Biden’s use of an old stereotype is hurtful to modern Europeans, Asians & Americans who inherit about 2% of their genes from Neanderthal ancestors. He should apologize for his insensitive comments and seek training on unconscious bias.

“Folks, if Neanderthals were as reckless and lacking in common sense or concern for one another as the Governor of Texas, they’d be extinct by now.” — David Rothkopf

Oh look — old, tried and true, familiar floating debris: Immigrants. The governor of Texas is blaming undocumented immigrants and Joe Biden for the spread of covid in Texas.

Floating debris, in pieces: Mr. Potato Head! The Democrats want to make Mr. Potato Head a politically correct, non-conforming, genderless potato! This is a disgrace!

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Mr. Potato Head never did come with a wiener.

Really ridiculous floating debris: Republiqans are still obsessing over Democrats cancelling Dr. Seuss which they never did. Dr. Seuss Enterprises announced that they were going to stop the printing of 6 books because they portrayed some races in a negative light. Cancel culture floating debris! Grab it!

The Organic QAnon Shaman, Jacob Chansley, has a public defender — his mom. She’s making excuses for her 33 year old son. He didn’t break the door down, he just went through it. Now Jacob is more than the painted, furry horned face of the insurrection, he’s the face of the helicopter parent generation where kids never suffered any natural, predictable consequences for their shitty behavior because their parents made sure of it.

There was no flu season this year because people wore masks, washed their hands and stayed the fuck away from each other. Common sense that was forced upon everyone with the threat of death.

Covid 19 is not the flu.

Floating debris: Here comes Mr. Potato’s wiener. Grab it!

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.