Florida: Shitty Politicians

Spike Dolomite
5 min readJan 31, 2023
This is what a sitting member of Congress tweeted after finding out that the police were going to release the surveillance footage of the attempted assassination of the Speaker of the House who wasn’t at home so the attacker bludgeoned her husband with a hammer instead

The state with the shittiest, sleaziest politicians has got to be Florida.

13 out of the 147 Republicans in Congress who voted to overturn the election on January 6, 2021 were from Florida. They are: Kat Cammack, Mario Diaz-Balart, Byron Donalds, Neal Dunn, Scott Franklin, Matt Gaetz, Carlos Gimenez, Brian Mast, Bill Posey, John Rutherford, Greg Steube, and Daniel Webster in the House, and Rick Scott in the Senate.

Florida has the second largest Republican delegation in the House. That’s a lot of Republicans from a corrupt state making federal laws.

The two richest members of Congress are both from Florida.

Florida Republican congressman, Vern Buchanan, is the new vice chair of the House Ways and Means Committee which oversees taxes, Social Security and Medicare, but he’s not happy about it. He thought he was going to get to be chair. He yelled at McCarthy, “You fucked me!” Buchanan raised big bucks for the National Republican Congressional Committee and expected to be in charge of one of the most powerful committees as a reward. Buchanan is the second richest member of Congress. The richest is US Senator Rick Scott, former governor of Florida. Buchanan’s net worth is $73.9 million. On the same day that the Republicans passed their tax bill to benefit the rich on November 16, 2017, Buchanan celebrated the huge tax cuts he voted to give himself by going out and laying down a few million bucks to buy a new yacht. 226 other Republicans voted for it. Not a single Democrat did. Buchanan saves around $2 million a year now, thanks to his own power.

Seditionist, conspiracy theorist, anti-vaxxer, and gun nut Congressman Greg Steube participated in a virtual House Judiciary Committee meeting on gun legislation. He pulled out a gun and said he could do whatever he wanted with it. It freaked the Dems out to be flashed like that on the job.

Right-wing blogger and gun nut Javier Manjarres ran in the Republican primary in 2018. He made minimizing the Parkland shooting part of his platform. On the campaign trail he told a dad of one of the victims to stop exploiting his daughter’s death by calling for gun safety legislation.

Hater and conspiracy theorist Laura Loomer won the Republican primary for Congress. She insinuated that the Parkland and Santa Fe school shootings were hoaxes. She’s so awful that Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, PayPal, and other technology platforms had banned her for repeatedly sharing hate speech. MAGAs loved her campaign slogan, “I’m the most banned person in history!” Matt Gaetz and Trump endorsed her. Lara Trump campaigned for her.

Republican candidate for Congress, Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, claimed she was abducted by aliens twice. The Miami Herald endorsed her.

Gadsden County Commissioner Jeffrey Moore resigned after photos of him wearing a KKK robe surfaced. DeSantis had put him in charge of running a county with a high population of African Americans. Michael Ertel, former Republican Secretary of State, resigned too after briefly serving in 2019 after a photo of him in blackface surfaced. He was dressed as a Black Katrina victim as a joke.

Florida’s former GOP Speaker of the House went on TV and called women a “host body,” much like livestock.

71 year old county commissioner in Florida, Nick Nicholson, was arrested on multiple prostitution charges. Nick let a married couple in their early 30s live in his house in exchange for him getting to have sex with the wife on Tuesdays and Saturdays for $300. The wife also brought people home to have sex with them on a mattress in the garage or in a car in the driveway for a fee. The married couple had a fight one day and the husband threw a screwdriver at the wife. When the cops showed up they found drug paraphernalia on a table and a stoned commissioner with his weiner poking out of his pants.

Rookie congressman Trey Radel didn’t last long after he got busted for leading a double life in Washington. The proponent of drug testing the poor turned out to be coke fiend. He made a big deal out of making welfare recipients pee in a cup to make sure they weren’t coke fiends before they could get food stamps and then the idiot got busted for trying to buy cocaine from an undercover cop.

Florida state legislator Anthony Sabatini wanted Congress to pass legislation proclaiming November 19 “Kyle Rittenhouse Day.”

Ileana Garcia ran for a seat in the Florida state senate and won by 34 votes. She ran against a Democratic candidate who unknowingly had to appear on the ballot next to a fake candidate with the same last name who ran as an Independent to confuse voters. Former Republican state senator Frank Artiles was charged with participating in the scheme. He got his house raided by the cops. He resigned in 2017 after getting into bar fights and cussing out black Democrats in the Senate.

Ben Paris, GOP chair in Seminole County, was found guilty for putting his cousin up as a fake candidate to siphon votes away from the Democratic candidate. His cousin never even campaigned.

Kent Stermon, Ron DeSantis’s best friend, committed suicide after being implicated in a crime. He found out he was under investigation over allegations of sexual misconduct. He was on DeSantis’s transition team. DeSantis appointed him to the board of governors for the Florida State University system in 2019. He was a big shot in Florida Republican politics and a mega donor who took some big secrets to the grave.

Joel Greenberg, the former tax collector of Seminole County, is serving an 11 year sentence after making a plea deal after being charged with 33 felonies that would have put him away for life — stalking, sex trafficking a minor, conspiracy to bribe a public official and commit an offense against the United States, defrauding the SBA with a COVID relief scam, running a crypto business out of his tax collector office, identity theft (making fake IDs using personal information he pilfered from his job), wire fraud, and more. He gave up information on 27 other people which brought the charges down so he could plead guilty to 6. Some are public figures. 8 were involved in sex crimes (one is Congressman Matt Gaetz who is under investigation for sex trafficking a minor). Greenberg asked Trump for a pardon. Part of his case is still under seal because it involves federal and state investigations which undoubtedly involve other shitty sleazy Republicans in Florida.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.