Forever Young

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 8, 2021

Ted Cruz is going after Big Bird now. Why? Because he has been vaccinated. Ted Cruz is as old as Sesame Street but not as mature.

“Big Bird is kind, compassionate, empathetic, loving, adored, and vaccinated. Ted Cruz is . . . vaccinated.” — Mary L. Trump

Republican state senator Wendy Rogers of Arizona hooked her wagon to Ted’s lone star by tweeting: “Big Bird is a communist.”

Communism. Communism. Communism. Like the junior senator from Wisconsin, Joseph (Everybody is a communist!) McCarthy, the junior senator from the Lone Star State, Ted Cruz, is loathed by everybody in Congress. Both of them will go down in history as being perpetual school yard bullies who couldn’t get enough attention, but only McCarthy had a real punch. All he had to do was accuse someone of being a communist and their careers would be ruined. A couple of senators even committed suicide over his threats (one killed himself in his office after McCarthy threatened to out his gay son.) Roy Cohn, the closeted gay mob attorney and Trump’s number one fixer, was on his witch hunt team when he was young. They never did find any Russian spies in the government. McCarthy left behind a horrid legacy and a playbook for the Republicans on how to play dirty. The whole “socialist” strategy that the Republicans use got its start 70 years ago by a mean, lonely, vindictive, unlovable, power hungry bully who will be forever remembered as a hateful son of a bitch who will be over shadowed by one man, Donald J. Trump.

Glenn Youngkin, the newly elected governor of Virginia, is in a bit of hot water after his young kin tried to vote TWICE, AT THE SAME POLLING PLACE within 20 minutes of each other. Not only is this the election fraud that the Republicans have been accusing the Democrats of and have been unable to prove, but the 17 year old kid’s dad ran on “election integrity.” How much jail time should he get and should Terry McAuliffe demand an audit? What would Trump and the Republicans do?

Republicans haven’t said a word about voter fraud with Glenn Youngkin’s young kin.

An anti-vaxxer MAGA middle school teacher in Ventura, California has found herself without a job after telling her class that Trump is still president and Hunter Biden is into child porn and had sex with his niece.

Week one of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial is over. Kyle and his divorced mom left their apartment in Illinois and drove 30 minutes to Kenosha where his dad lived so he could pretend to be a cop after protesters took to the streets after a cop shot and paralyzed Jacob Blake. He hooked up with his older buddy, Dominick Black ,who bought him the semi automatic rifle that he used to shoot 3 people. He kept the gun for him at his house in Kenosha. Kyle was a member of a Facebook group, “Kenosha Guard” a group of online vigilantes started by a former city council member who all believed in taking up arms to protect their community. Nobody has called Kyle Rittenhouse a thug yet because young Kyle is just a poor white kid who wants to be a cop when he grows up.

The media is focused on stories of white moms in the suburbs who are angry about their kids falling behind due to school closures during the pandemic and ignoring the thousands of black and brown moms everywhere whose kids not only lost instructional time like white kids did but they also lost family members. Their parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents were essential workers who couldn’t afford not to work so they showed up and got sick and died. One child in Los Angeles lost 5 family members, but do go on Karen. Tell us about how inconvenienced you are.

Junior senator Josh Hawley is still talking about liberals turning conservative men into perpetual boys who are forced to watch porn and play video games.

Proud Boys aren’t allowed to masturbate so they must not watch porn. Do they play video games?

You know you’re old when former congresswoman Katie Hill, who resigned because her ex-husband committed revenge porn by giving right wing media pictures of her naked with a female staffer, says on national TV that the justice system needs to protect nude photos of women as their personal property and you go, “Whoa!”

Nikki Haley stroked Trump for 4 years so he wouldn’t forget about her. She’s too old for him so she switched her strategy and is now talking about old people in politics having to take competency tests.

The late senior senator, John McCain’s widow, Cindy McCain, thinks of Lindsey Graham as one of her kids. They’re the same age.

Mike Pence sleeps with his mother.

As the abortion wars rage on, the Federalist Society justices are worried about their image and legacies. They don’t want to appear to be what they are, partisan hacks, so shall they shoot Texas down now so they can look good and shoot Roe v Wade down later when Mississippi gets its turn, after they take up the gun case?

Every child had a heartbeat before they got shot at school but whatever. Get off our lawn.

The Sandy Hook kids will be forever 6 years old and loved by all, just like Big Bird.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.