Four More Years

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 9, 2020

The White House announced that “the transition to greatness has officially begun” on the same day that it was announced that a recession is officially declared to exist and it’s all Trump’s fault. White House Spin Barbie aka Kay-lie McEnany really went for it yesterday, greeting everyone with the triumphant news, throwing bullshit at the briefing room wall desperately hoping something might stick. She read from her notes, “Hello, everyone. The transition to greatness has officially begun!” When asked if Trump believes there is a systemic problem with racism in police departments she read, “He definitely believes there are instances of racism…But by and large they are good people. There is a lot of evidence of that and he has great faith in our police departments…….There’s a Police union sending every child a stuffed animal, if they accidentally kill their parents at a traffic stop. You don’t see Antifa doing anything like that”. When asked about Black Lives Matter, she read, “Mitt Romney can say three words outside on Pennsylvania Avenue but I would note this — that President Trump won 8% of the black vote.” What about kneeling? Where does Trump stand on kneeling? “The president is against kneeling in general. I’m trying really hard not to say it but, I’m thinking the same thing you are.” What about gassing and shooting protesters to clear a way for Trump to get a photo op in front of a church holding a Bible? “There’s no regrets on the part of this White House. We stand by those actions.“

It has been 2 weeks since George Floyd was murdered by the police in Minneapolis. Trump has yet to meet with George’s family or black advocates seeking changes, nor has he bothered to travel to Minneapolis.

The Trump campaign has spent $400,000 on ads that run on cable news in the DC area to calm Trump down since he watches TV all day and is desperate to see flattering images and news about himself.

The Lincoln Project, a group of former Republicans who want to take Trump down, is going to air a bunch of their ads on DC cable news TV to piss him off.

Trump is watching OANN, his new favorite conspiracy channel. He tweeted this morning: Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?

The president of the United States spreads conspiracy theories right out in the open, and nobody challenges him.

Trump held a round table with law enforcement yesterday. He let them know that he’s very proud of them. Jared was there, too. He said, “The law enforcement community heard the cries from the community, saw the injustices in the system that needed to be fixed and they responded by coming together to fix it.”

Trump is bragging about the stock market again. Pay no attention to the news that the Trump Recession began in February, long before the coronavirus shut down began, ending the longest expansion on record. That’s fake news.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Over the last 40 years, a recession has begun under every Republican president. Democrat presidents always fix them.

When Bill Barr was asked if he had to do Monday over again, would he do something different? He answered, “Based on what I know now, no. Things were so bad, the secret service recommended the President go down to the bunker. We can’t have that in our country.”

Speaking of Bill Barr, the House Judiciary Committee expects to see him in front of their committee this morning. Chairman Nadler has floated the idea that he’ll issue a subpoena if Bill Barr dares to blow them off.

Mitch McConnell is his usual awful self. He addressed the concept of defunding the police on the Senate floor — “I’m all for social workers and mental health. But call me old-fashioned. I think you may actually want a police officer to stop a criminal and arrest him before we try to work through his feelings.”

Tucker Carlson told his paranoid old white audience that Black Lives Matter isn’t about race. “This may be a lot of things, this moment we are living through, but it is definitely not about black lives and remember that when they come for you, and at this rate, they will.”

Trump plans to resume his MAGA rallies in 2 weeks.

Today is the 4th anniversary of the infamous Trump Tower meeting when Junior, Jared and Paul Manafort met with the Russian attorney to “talk about adoption.” Hours later, Trump tweeted about the missing emails for the first time.

4 years of this shit. We can’t survive another 4 years of this shit.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.