Freak Out

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 30, 2024

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Trump says he has a secret plan with Speaker Mike Johnson. He’s trying to get everybody worked up about them having a plan to freak us all out but they have no plan. Everybody is so exhausted by him, trying to manage their mental health between now and election day, that they’re not even paying any attention to him, which is very bad for malignant narcissists. They’re like vampires whose blood is attention. If they go without attention for too long, especially when they demand it, they freak out.

Don’t freak out but Trump is gonna freak out again.

Vance and Trump are trying to pretend that they didn’t hear comedian Tony Hinchcliffe call Puerto Rico a floating island of garbage at Trump’s MAGA hate rally at Madison Square Garden over the weekend. Now they’re trying to act like they don’t know him. Their little stunt back fired on them and they weren’t ready for it. There are 450,000 Puerto Ricans living in Pennsylvania, the second biggest Puerto Rican population on the mainland. By hiring a racist comic to insult them, he is going to lose Pennsylvania. He lost by 33,800 votes in 2020 and only won by 44,300 in 2016. He can’t afford to lose any voters in Pennsylvania but whatever happens, they’ll cry fowl. Trump is suing Bucks County, Pennsylvania for “turning away our voters.”

Puerto Rico fun facts: When Trump was president he didn’t know that Puerto Rico was a US territory. He thought it was a foreign country. After Hurricane Maria killed over 3,000 Puerto Ricans he lied about the death toll. He visited the island as a photo op and threw paper towels at people who were staged for his reception. He delayed $20 billion in critical aid and told them to take care of themselves. He accused Puerto Ricans of being dirty, poor, and wanting everything done for them. He tried to trade Puerto Rico for Greenland.

The archbishop of Puerto Rico denounced Trump in a scathing letter and demanded that he apologize personally.

The Democratic Party projected messages including “Trump Praised Hitler” onto the outside of Madison Square Garden during his rally. Everybody freaked out.

250,000 people have cancelled their Washington Post subscriptions to protest Jeff Bezos not letting the paper endorse Kamala like they originally planned. That’s 10% of their revenue. 1/3 of the editorial board resigned. The Washington Post is crashing and burning because a billionaire owns it. There should be no such thing as billionaires in America. Tax the shit out of these people and let’s get back to the way things used to be when rich people were taxed, unions were strong, and the middle class wasn’t so stretched thin and freaked out all the time. We need Democrats to deal with the billionaires. Republicans are their friends.

Speaking of unnecessary billionaires, Elon Musk has been in regular contact with Putin since late 2022. Putin asked him to avoid activating his Starlink internet service over Taiwan as a favor to Chinese leader Xi Jinping. Another reason why there shouldn’t be billionaires — then they can’t interfere with foreign policy, control the free press, or buy elections. No more billionaires. Enough already. TAX THEM.

The FBI is on the case of the arsonist who set 3 voter ballot boxes on fire in the Pacific Northwest. They’re calling it domestic terrorism.

In New Jersey a large MAGA woman showed up to vote wearing a Trump shirt. She was told she couldn’t wear the shirt because it’s against the law to campaign inside polling places. She freaked out and ripped her shirt off then stood in line and waited to vote in her bra.

Trump’s Supreme Court allowed Virginia to purge about 1,600 people from its voter rolls, siding with Republicans who said it was to prevent noncitizens from voting. Studies show that noncitizens voting is extremely rare.

Steve Bannon got out of jail if anybody cares.

Senator Rick Scott of Florida is running for re-election. In his latest Spanish language ad, his campaign hired Erika Benfield to narrate it. She was at the Capitol on January 6.

Ruby Freeman and her daughter, Shaye Moss, the two women Rudy Giuliani defamed during the last election by accusing them of election tampering while they volunteered to work the polls in Georgia, were authorized to take possession of Rudy’s personal property, including his jewelry, car, and New York apartment. He ruined their lives and almost got them killed and now they own him.

David DePape, the deranged MAGA who broke into Nancy Pelosi’s house to kidnap her but after he broke in and found out she wasn’t home he kidnapped her 80 year old husband instead and bashed his skull in with a hammer, was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

Over 75,000 turned out to hear Kamala Harris make her closing arguments speech at the Ellipse in Washington DC, the same place where Trump made his infamous speech to crank up his followers to attack the Capitol on January 6. Trump must have been so freaked out. Her rally was way bigger than his rally.

45 million people have already voted which is 28% of the total in 2020.

Six more days. SIX MORE DAYS. People are anxious. Everybody has PTSD. It’s like everybody is waiting to hear the results of a biopsy. If it’s bad, millions of people all around the world are gonna freak out.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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