Fucked Up

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 1, 2019


There was another domestic terrorist attack in Texas that killed 7 and injured 21. A 17-month-old baby was shot in the face. Oh well. That’s the price the baby has to pay for the gun nuts to keep their precious guns and the Republicans to get their money from the NRA. The killer was not a Muslim or an immigrant. He was a white male in his 30s. No good guys with guns saved the day. That’s fucked up.

Texas Republican Senator John Cornyn didn’t tweet out thoughts a prayers this time. Instead, he tweeted this: In the face of unspeakable violence, Texans have come together before. We will again.

Yes they will “come together” again because it will happen again because he’ll make sure of it. He’s got an A+ rating from the NRA.

This shooting makes 51 mass shooting deaths for August alone and that is fucked up.

Gun nut Governor Greg Abbott says Texas isn’t going to be run by hate and fear. Too late. The Republicans in Texas are growing increasingly more radical and so is the hate and fear. There aren’t many gun restrictions in Texas and the politics of toxic masculinity is at an all time high. In July Abbott signed all 10 of the NRA supported legislation that make gun laws in Texas even looser as of today. Everybody let’s get fucked up and shoot! Woot! Party in Texas! Libtards aren’t invited and if any dare try and crash their party they will be shot.

A reporter asked Beto how he’d reassure people if the government says its going to take their assault weapons away. There won’t be any reassurance. “I want to be really clear that that’s exactly what we are going to do. If you own an AK-47 or AR-15, you’ll have to sell them to the government.” He also said that while they didn’t know all of the details yet about the latest mass shooting in Texas, “we do know this is fucked up.”

Texans will be going to church today packing BECAUSE THEY CAN. As they pray, they’ll have their hand on their pieces, ready to be the good guy if a bad guy tries to shoot them while they’re praying and that is so FUCKED UP.

What’s more fucked up? That people in Texas are going to church this morning to pray while packing or that they won’t feel any weird Christian guilt for getting a hard on for praying in church while packing.

Behind every active shooter is an inactive Republican legislator. That’s fucked up.

10 teenagers were shot in Mobile, Alabama after a high school football game. That’s fucked up.

It’s back to school season — parents are buying their kids bullet proof back packs and schools are putting kids through active shooter drills. That is really, really fucked up.

The MAGAs held a Straight Pride Parade in Boston and the only people who showed up were the people who would have been walking down the street anyway plus some protesters who came to say this is fucked up.

“The Straight Pride Parade looked more like an I’d Be Straight if Any Woman Would Have Me Parade” — BallsOut

In the last 169 years, only 35 Atlantic hurricanes have attained Category 5 status. 5 of them in the last 4 years. That’s fucked up.

Florida had to issue a warning not to shoot into hurricanes because the bullets could fly back and hit you. That’s fucked up. No wonder nobody wants to travel to the US anymore. You could get shot during a hurricane.

Trump isn’t just suing his former personal assistant, Madeleine Westerhout, for blabbing to the press about his fucked up kids. He’s suing other former staffers for breaking their confidentiality agreements.

Some guy on Facebook said Madeleine quit because she couldn’t take the KFC farts anymore.

A 15% tariff on $110 billion worth of Chinese imports is set to go into effect today. That means Trump and Ivanka’s cheap crap is going to cost more. MAGAs are going to get so pissed off when they find out that the cheap crap that they’re used to buying won’t be so cheap anymore, even on Blackheart Friday, their favorite day of the year. That’s really going to fuck things up for Trump.

The president of the United States tweeted 49 times in 1 hour and 25 minutes. That’s an average of 1 tweet every 1.7 minutes. That’s fucked up.

There’s more, but this blogger tries to keep the Daily Crime Report at 3 minutes so it’s time to stop. How fucked up is that?

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.