Fun With Facts

While Trump is making a fool of my himself in Davos, Switzerland, telling the media that Theresa May is a really good friend of his and America is Number One, news broke that he was going to fire Robert Mueller a month after he fired James Comey but his White House counsel, Don McGahn, threatened to quit so he didn’t.

In August, Trump, Kellyanne Conway, and John Dowd (Trump’s white color criminal attorney,) all denied that Trump was going to fire Mueller. Trump and his circle of jerks are having way too much fun with the facts. In your face, America.

Did these fun facts leak because Trump is about to fire Mueller again?

What did Trump say when asked about whether or not he was going to fire Mueller in June? FAKE NEWS!

Russiagate fun fact: Don McGahn, Steve Bannon, and Reince Priebus all have the same lawyer — William Burck.

Someone who worked for Paul Manafort was an informant. Paul Manafort is going to jail, Paul Manafort is going to jail, neener neener neener.

FBI fun fact: Most people who work for the FBI are Republican. Propaganda claims that the FBI investigation is a Democratic hit job are hilarious. Comey, Mueller, McCabe and Rosenstein are all Republicans.

FBI official Peter Strzok, and his girlfriend, Lisa Page, an attorney who worked for the FBI, exchanged 50,000 texts because that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do. Right after the election, they were as shocked as the rest of us that Trump won so they exchanged freak out texts, many of them frantic, sarcastic, and worrisome, just like the rest of us. One of them jokingly mentioned a secret society. The Republicans thought, AH HA! Let’s make a big deal out of this! Let’s make it look like the FBI is a secret society! Since conservatives don’t think anything is funny and would never believe that this was a joke, this seemed like an easy enough scheme to pull off. The FBI is a liberal fifth column to bring down the president! Fox News viewers yelled, “YA! And that is a FACT!”

Trump TV wants to raid the FBI. Sean Hannity is saying this is the biggest scandal in history. Deep state! Secret state! Release the memo!

Evil, creepy, horrible Republican ironic fun fact: Republicans are desperately spreading conspiracy theories even though they already control the whole of government. The ship is going down and they’re grabbing at conspiracy theories as life preservers.

Matt Gaetz is a Republican congressman in Florida who drinks too much. He’s got booze brain. When he’s not drinking and driving, he’s trying to convince people that the Deep State is real. He compared disappearing texts with the immaculate conception on CNN. When pressed to explain this analogy, Gaetz got defensive and accused CNN host, Chris Cuomo, of asking him to come on his show to ask about his religious views. “I’m a Christian and I believe the Immaculate Conception was how Jesus was born.” Like most Republican Christians, he’s full of shit and is a big fat drunk sinner.

The latest on Trump’s “deal” for DACA — I won’t deport Dreamers back to countries they don’t know if you give me a gazillion dollars for my stupid wall, stop immigrants from bringing their families into OUR country, no more lotteries, radioactive guards every ten feet, a year’s worth of Big Macs and Diet Cokes, and you have to tell me that you love me. He’s holding the Dreamers ransom for his racist monument wall. Human beings being used as bargaining chips.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Paul Ryan is really proud of the 150 gymnasts who came forward to tell their stories about the USA Gymnastics doctor who molested them, but the 19 women who came forward to tell their stories about Trump are all lying.

Trump asked the Guggenheim Museum for a Van Gogh to hang in the White House. They offered him a gilded toilet, a golden throne, titled “America,” instead.

Impress your friends with these fun facts: Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch, ketchup was sold as medicine in the 1830s, all swans in England belong to the queen, over a hundred years ago an ad campaign for Kellogg’s Corn Flakes offered a free box of cereal to any woman who would wink at her grocer, male students enrolled at Brigham Young University need a doctor’s note to grow a beard, Judge Judy makes $47 million a year, and Trump is the oldest person ever to assume the presidency. His last name was originally spelled “Drumpf,” he punched his music teacher in the face in second grade, he doesn’t want black guys counting his money, only short Jews, approximately 200 Polish workers were in the U.S. illegally to build Trump Tower. They were off-the books, worked 12-hour shifts, 7 days a week, and were paid between $4-$5 an hour with no overtime. Some were never paid at all.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.