Gas Prices

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 26, 2018


While sitting on his ass in his private resort that the government pays for on Thanksgiving weekend, Trump ordered migrant families who made it to the Tijuana border at San Diego to be tear gassed. He called on Mexico to deport them “back to their countries” and threatened to close the southern border permanently. Trump used these poor people for political gain by setting them up by closing the border for “public safety” and claiming that the women and children were violent. The price for gassing desperate mothers, babies and toddlers? Looking good! MAGAs love it. They’re illegally trying to enter the US! They’re ILLEGAL! They’re criminals! Go back to your countries!

Sending them back to their countries will end in death. They’re seeking asylum because they are escaping war. Trump and his followers don’t care. They’re not human. We are.

MAGAs act as though we had no choice but to use tear gas at our border. They had it coming. The real story is we have known about this group for weeks because Trump and Fox News have been whipping them to whip up votes for Republicans. They talked about the caravan daily. They’re coming. They’re coming! Lock your doors! The Border Patrol wasn’t taken by surprise. We could have had buses and agents ready to process people in an orderly and humane way. Instead, Trump closed the border and gassed them which was his plan all along. The federal government closed a border crossing on purpose to shore up a big enough crowd to make it look like an invasion and then used it as an excuse for a calculated, violent response. This was staged reality TV.

The US government shot chemicals on to foreign soil.

We shot tear gas at people crying for help.

This morning Ron Colburn, Border Patrol Foundation president, told Fox and Friends that the pepper spray used on latinx migrants is natural. “You could actually put it on your nachos and eat it.”

Trump warned that there could be a government shutdown if he doesn’t get his wall.

Meanwhile Russia just attacked Ukraine, captured 3 Navy ships, seized crewmen, and blocked Ukraine’s major trade route. Six sailors were wounded and two of them are in critical condition.

Ukraine is considering martial law.

After Russia attacked Ukraine Trump attacked the European Union and NATO. On Twitter.

Ukraine is our ally. RUSSIA IS NOT.

Nikki Haley says the UN Security Council will hold an emergency meeting this morning.

The European Union called on Russia to “restore freedom of passage at the Kerch Strait” and urged “all to act with utmost restraint.”

NATO said it “fully supports Ukraine’s sovereignty and its territorial integrity, including its navigational rights in its territorial waters.” It said Russia should “ensure unhindered access to Ukrainian ports in the Azov Sea.”

Trump has said nothing.

George Papadumbass is going to jail today.

The murder trial for the death of Heather Heyer begins today.

Finland, Denmark and Germany have all stopped arm sales to Saudi Arabia after Khashoggi’s murder.

Trump says global warming can’t be happening if it’s cold outside. But his administration just released a report that climate change is real, with dire effects if unaddressed. Trump tried to bury the report on Black Friday, a media blackout.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: House Republican leader, Speaker Paul Ryan, has taken us from a deficit of $439 billion in 2015 to over $1 trillion. Once again for the slow voters — the Republican party is NOT the fiscally responsible party. THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS NOT THE FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE PARTY.

When the moonbeam three term Democratic governor Jerry Brown retires, part of his legacy will be leaving hippy dippy liberal true blue California with a $6.1 billion budget surplus. The Democrats are the fiscally responsible party. The Democrats are the ones who have to come in and clean up the economic messes made by the Republicans yet people still vote Republican because they think that hippy dippy liberals can’t be responsible.

In 2 years Trump has hacked away at every single democratic institution we have — the free press, public education, voter rights, civil rights, the courts, the EPA, the justice department. And the Republicans let him.

We are no longer a shining beacon of democracy that suffering desperate people will travel a thousand miles in their bare feet to get to. We’re an autocracy with a mad man in charge who will gas you and your babies if you dare even try.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.