Get Off My Lawn

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 25, 2019

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74 year old Bob Mueller testified for 7 hours yesterday, giving yes and no answers to really good questions from the Democrats. Those simple answers confirmed that Trump is a criminal, Russia attacked us, and the 2020 election is at risk. Instead of focusing on this, however, the media focused on Mueller’s performance. They weren’t entertained enough. Mueller affirmed the most damaging accusations against a President since Nixon but because it wasn’t good television it didn’t matter. Everybody expects a show with this reality TV presidency. This wasn’t a show. It was a very serious congressional hearing. The Democrats did an outstanding job of questioning and making the case for impeachment but they won’t impeach because Nancy won’t let them.

After the exhausting testimony, the Dems held a press conference where they congratulated themselves profusely on their job well done. Nancy got all huffy when reporters asked her about impeachment as if it was a stupid question. After their press conference, the millionaire establishment Dems (Chuck and Nancy) showed up at a millionaire access journalist’s house party in Georgetown to drink cocktails and laugh it up with other access journalists while Rome burned. The August recess is upon them. They’re not going to do a damn thing but put their feet up on their estate lawns and toast themselves. Instead of partying, they should cancel vacation plans to stay in DC and start an impeachment investigation.

Trump called the hearing a “disaster” because that’s the only word he knows. He accused Bob Mueller of trying to overthrow the government. He did that while standing on the White House lawn — the People’s lawn.

Trump stood there, pointed at the press and yelled, “you’re fake news!” whenever they asked him uncomfortable questions.

Trump called the Republicans warriors and great defenders of the country. “Pull up a lawn chair, Republicans!”

The GOP blocked election security bills after Mueller’s testimony. Matt Gaetz admitted he didn’t vote for it because it would help Democrats get re-elected.

Trump vetoed 3 bills prohibiting arm sales to Saudi Arabia.

“Saudi Arabia, I get along with all of them. They buy apartments from me. They spend $40 million, $50 million. Am I supposed to dislike them? I like them very much.” — Donald J. Trump

Jeffrey Epstein was found on the floor of his jail cell semi-conscious with marks on his neck at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan. He is now on suicide watch. Did he stage an attack or suicide attempt to get a better room at the inn or was it erotic asphyxiation? He is, after all, a sex addict who hasn’t had a fix in over 2 weeks.

Deutsche Bank loaned Jeffrey Epstein money until 3 months ago when they cut him off. Epstein doesn’t want his financial statements made public. Looks like he has more in common with Trump than sex with children. He could be a fake billionaire too.

Bernie Maddoff asked Trump to reduce his 150 year sentence.

A woman in Raleigh, North Carolina, Nancy Goodman, called 2 Black women minding their own business in an upscale restaurant “stupid niggers.” It was caught on video. When the media found out where she lived and knocked on her door she said she wasn’t sorry and she’d do it again.

The NAACP, the nation’s oldest and largest civil rights organization, voted unanimously to support impeaching Trump.

Some Oklahoma City teens shot an undocumented family with BB guns.

Oklahoma ranks in the bottom 10 states in the nation for the overall well-being of its children.

Trump made a speech in front of a presidential seal that had been altered with a double headed eagle (Russian symbol) holding golf clubs instead of spears.

“To spend hours of airtime and write hundreds of print and online reports pontificating about the ‘optics’ of Mueller’s performance — when he confirmed that President Trump accepted help from a hostile foreign power and lied about it, that he lied when he claimed exoneration, that he was not completely truthful in written answers, that he could be prosecuted after leaving office and that he misled Americans by calling the investigation a hoax — tells me that we have become untrustworthy guardians of democracy…..The ‘failure’ is not of a prosecutor who found the facts but might be ill equipped to make the political case, but instead, of a country that won’t read his report and a media obsessed with scoring contests rather than focusing on the damning facts at issue.” — Jennifer Rubin

In Puerto Rico, the people have taken to the streets to get rid of their corrupt governor. They stopped the island until Ricardo Antonio Rosselló Nevares said he would resign. Americans need to do the same thing with Trump. They need to take to the streets, stop everything and yell, “Hey Trump! Get off our lawn!”

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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