Get Out of My Way

Spike Dolomite
5 min readMay 6, 2021

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Republiqan High Society

President Biden supports releasing the vaccine patent to get the coronavirus under control around the world. Let other countries have the recipe so they can make it themselves and fast. Republicans and the pharmaceutical companies are against it because that would really cut into their profit. They don’t want to let the world go ‘round without paying for it first. Money makes the world go ‘round for pharmaceutical companies and Republicans. That’s their way so get out of their way.

Dr. Jonas Salk developed the polio vaccine in 1954 but chose not to patent it or make a profit off of it so it could spread around the world efficiently and easily. Dr. Salk changed the world for the better. His way was the better way.

The US birth rate has fallen to its lowest point since 1979. People can’t afford kids and more and more people are having kids who they don’t vaccinate because they’re idiots so why bring more kids into the world when there are so many stupid people in it? No way!

In the 50s American families thrived on one income because the rich paid taxes, unions were strong, and parents could vaccinate their kids from diseases that used to kill them. They could afford to own a home, a car, and send their kids to college. Now they’re killing themselves to pay for childcare because both parents have to work just to make the rent. Their kids can go to college but only if they take out a loan to pay for it which they’ll be paying for for the rest of their lives. More and more people are falling in to homelessness all across the country because the rich don’t pay taxes and unions are weak. Republicans blame them for their fate and want to remove them from their sight. Get the fuck out of my way, you filthy animals.

Fundamentalists can’t really afford kids either but they keep pushing them out because they believe they’re building an army for God. If they have enough of them they can put them to work flipping houses like the Duggars did. They had their kids do all of the work without paying them which is against child labor laws but they don’t have to abide by federal laws. They only follow God’s law. It’s THE way.

Speaking of the Duggars, Josh Duggar is out of jail. The judge let him out with an ankle bracelet. He was arrested for receiving 16 images of child porn and a 2 minute video he got with his account on the dark web in May 2019. The youngest victim was 18 months old. One of the arresting FBI agents said the images were the worst he’s ever seen. What does Republican Jesus say?

The QAnon weirdos recounting the ballots in Arizona are looking for traces of bamboo in the fibers of the ballots because they believe that China stuffed the ballot boxes and can prove it. Everyone knows Chinese paper has bamboo in it. Everything in China is made out of bamboo. It’s their way.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is raffling off another gun to entice people to vote for her in 2022. It’s called a “Honey Badger” and she claims over 118,000 gun nuts have registered to win it. That’s a lot of votes for her district. If you want to take a peek into the scrambled, delusional, desperate, paranoid head of MTG and the GQP, head over to her Twitter feed. She doesn’t have anything to do in Congress, so she’s got plenty of time to tweet, make appearances on right wing TV and radio shows, raise money, and give away the Republiqan way. She’s obsessed with expelling Maxine Waters, impeaching Biden, firing Fauci, debating AOC on the Green New Deal, stopping gun control, calling Democrats socialists and communists who want totalitarian control, accusing BLM of being a terrorist organization, praising Trump, denouncing mask mandates, blaming Democrats for making people dependent on government by giving them monthly stimulus checks so they won’t want to work, and retweeting crazy shit like children are being forced to perform on stage at a drag club. Look what happens when the Democrats get their way! Our children will all become gay and transgender!

On race, Marjorie Taylor Greene wrote, “All the Democrat policies that tell black people they are victims and can’t because of race are using black people for one thing. They need them dependent on the government for their needs so that they can keep them as a voting block.” Regarding Biden’s American Families Plan, it “will raise taxes to put children in federal childcare. Do you want the same people that put men in girls bathrooms and sports, force mask on children, teach the critical race theory, and deny gender training your children all day?” On education she wrote, “Federally funded school from age 3 to 20 doesn’t sound like education, it sounds like indoctrination. All at your expense. By force in the form of taxes.”

Caitlyn Jenner, Republican candidate for governor in California, told Sean Hannity that she ran into a friend who was packing up his hangar and moving to Sedona because he can’t stand walking by homeless people in LA anymore. He can’t take it anymore so he’s going to get in his private jet and leave. He thinks he did it all his way.

If you don’t have a hangar it’s your own damn fault.

Get out of my way!!!!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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