Getting Licked and Melting Down

The House passed a resolution, 232–196, to formalize the impeachment inquiry, sending the investigation into a new open phase. Nancy didn’t have to do this but she’s dotting her i’s and crossing her t’s twice with this one because she knows that Trump and the Republicans not only do not care about the truth, but they’ll do anything to prevent them from getting to the truth because somewhere along the way they’ll all get found out so they’ll stop at nothing to keep the trial from happening. They will use every dirty trick available to them to sabotage their constitutional duty.

After the vote, the White House sent out a press release saying that Trump did nothing wrong and that impeachment is unconstitutional. Um, impeachment is in the constitution.

Before the vote, whackadoodle evangelicals surrounded Trump in the White House and laid their hands upon him and prayed and prayed and prayed until Jesus Christ himself appeared before them holding get out of jail free cards. He told them that he would be holding office hours inside the Oval Office throughout the impeachment hearings and that whatever they hear him say is what he meant to say so do what he says. Then snake charmer televangelist Paula White, Trump’s personal spiritual advisor, joined the White House staff because nobody will come work for Trump now except people who are already selling bullshit to gullible idiots. She insists she be called, “Dr. Paula” even though she never graduated from college. Like Trump, she lives a luxurious lifestyle despite having driven her previous church into bankruptcy, has been married 3 times, travels by private plane, stays at Trump properties, and makes her employees sign life long confidentiality agreements, has fucked up kids and is a resident of Florida.

Trump has changed his official residence status to Florida. What for? a) He doesn’t want New York to see his taxes b) he’s dumb enough to believe that if he lives in Florida he can’t be arrested for crimes in New York c) he’s afraid to go back to New York because New Yorkers hate him now more than ever. He’s scared he’ll be booed wherever he goes. Governor Cuomo is glad to see him go. “It’s not like he paid taxes anyway. He’s all yours, Florida.”

If he is running from New York maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll run from the White House too.

Potential impeachment jurors (senators) had lunch with Trump at the White House after the House voted on rules to impeach him. What did they eat? Shit. They ate shit.

Trump is trying to bribe senators with RNC cash so they won’t vote to impeach. That’s felony bribery.

Trump says Melania wouldn’t cry if he got shot. Why? a) she hates him b) she can’t cry c) if he dies, she’ll be tossed out of Trump Tower with nothing but her shoes and her makeup bag and that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to her. Of all things, getting tossed out on her pampered, sculpted ass with only her shoes and her makeup bag! That’s the only thing she cares about. Melania cares about very little. You can see it in her made up face.

The Keystone Pipeline has leaked 383,000 gallons of oil in the North Dakota wetlands, the permafrost in Siberia is thawing and exposing Mammoth bones and tusks, California is on fire burning homes and the chemicals inside them releasing them into the atmosphere, Trump has sent troops to Syria to protect the oil that doesn’t belong to us saying that if anybody tries to take it they’ll have a hell of a fight on their hands, and Russia wants Trump to lift sanctions so they can sell their oil to us. WE NEED TO GET OFF OF FOSSIL FUELS YESTERDAY.

Acid rain is making a comeback thanks to Trump rolling back environmental protections and hacking away at regulations protecting our air and water. We need to vote Republicans out of office yesterday.

2.5 million households in California have no power because of fires. One man has already died because he lost his oxygen supply due to no electricity.

1/3 of Americans didn’t want the American Revolution. 1/3 of Americans supported slavery. 1/3 of Americans opposed women having the right to vote. 1/3 of Americans opposed civil rights in 1960s. 1/3 will support Trump no matter what he does. 1/3 of America is fucked up.

Roger Stone’s trial starts next week. Impeachment hearings will be open to the public. Trump is so screwed that not even Dr. Paula and a quart of Chunky Monkey can save him now.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.