Getting to Jordan

Spike Dolomite
3 min readOct 17, 2023

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Jim Jordan can’t get the votes to be Speaker. 20 Republicans voted against him but 200 voted for him, the guy who was part of the insurrection, is endorsed by Trump, and is trying to impeach President Biden.

200 REPUBLICANS VOTED FOR THE GUY WHO WAS PART OF THE INSURRECTION, IS ENDORSED BY TRUMP, AND IS TRYING TO IMPEACH PRESIDENT BIDEN.

The House recessed without taking a second vote.

Mike Pence said Jim Jordan would make a great Speaker.

In Elise Stefanik’s nomination speech, she mentioned Jim Jordan’s skill “on the wrestling mat.” Democrats all blurted out, “WHOAAAAA!” Some covered their mouths in shock. WTF? The guy ignored rampant sexual abuse on the wrestling team when he was assistant coach at Ohio State. Republicans ignore that like they do him attending coup planning meetings, making an ass out of himself on TV, wasting taxpayer money on multiple bogus congressional “investigations,” and never getting any bills passed in 16 years.

Jim Jordan and his boys bullied their fellow Republicans to wrestle them into voting for him. They posted photos of anybody who resisted them along with their phone number with a call to action. Attention MAGAs! Call and bully your representatives and tell them you’ll primary them if they don’t vote for Jim Jordan. Jim Jordan doesn’t try to persuade anybody to vote for him, he threatens them.

Meanwhile, Biden is making plans to go to Israel, Jordan and Egypt tomorrow. This is the second time he will have visited a live war zone. He is a skilled diplomat who is going to do everything possible to keep the war from spreading. Trump would bomb the shit out of all of them.

The US is working to get hostages released, is discussing a way out for Palestinians to escape to Egypt, and is trying to figure out ways for aid to get to the Palestinians without Hamas taking it. Trump would bomb the shit out of them.

2,000 American personnel and a range of units have been put on notice that they could be deployed to the Middle East.

Republicans are blaming Biden for Hamas for the violence in Israel and Gaza and are blaming the Democrats for Republicans. The chaos in the House with no Speaker is all their fault.

Trump has been barred from attacking Jack Smith and his team, plus the staffs of Judge Chutkan and the DC court. He can’t use inflammatory rhetoric against them or potential witnesses. He can’t post or repost anything that publicly targets any of them either. He is free to insult Joe Biden and the Democrats all he wants.

Trump made a slurry, sweaty speech in Iowa hours after the judge put a gag order on him. He told the crowd that she is silencing his speech and that he can’t speak about his opponent or criticize anybody which is a big fat sweaty lie. He martyred himself by telling the MAGAs, “I am willing to go to jail if that’s what it takes for our country to win and become a democracy again.”

Trump is appealing the gag order.

Trump is back in New York today, pouting at the defense table at his fraud trial. Before he showed up in court he posted an article doxing New York Attorney General Letitia James. The article printed her home address.

Trump got almost half as much in donations as Biden for the third quarter even with a mug shot (“Every time he gets indicted his approval rating and fundraising go up”). 97% of Biden’s donations were individuals who gave $200 or less.

Biden added 336,000 jobs in September. Unemployment is at 3.8%.

Republicans keep hammering on Biden’s age as if he should be in a nursing home. His many decades of foreign experience is what is needed now. His wisdom, life and professional experience, and relationships with leaders all over the world are what is needed right now. He is the right president for this moment.

“For all you knuckleheads on Fox who say that Biden can’t put two sentences together, here’s a news flash: He put NATO together, Europe together and the whole Western alliance together.” — Thomas Friedman

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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