Give Them Something to Talk About

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 27, 2019

Last night at 9:23 pm Trump tweeted: Something very big has just happened!

What happened? He finished building the wall in Colorado? He cured AIDS? He knows who the whistleblower is not? A caravan of immigrants has made it to the border with guns and drugs and diseases and oozing sores demanding to cross into the US? He has Hillary’s emails? No, the head of ISIS is dead and Trump is taking credit for it.

Abu Bakr al Baghdadi died during a raid in Syria by US Special Operations commandos. Trump thanked Russia, Turkey, and Syria on national television in his made for reality TV moment. He didn’t give due credit and appreciation to our intelligence agencies, armed forces, or the Kurds.

In his big televised presidential announcement that interrupted the Sunday morning news shows that would no doubt be focused on impeachment, he rambled on and on for 40 minutes describing the gory details and revealing sensitive military information. He said that Baghdadi spent his last moments whimpering and crying and screaming in a dead end tunnel. “They brought body parts back with them, there wasn’t much left.”

He said he died like a dog.

Trump hates dogs so that was quite an insult. Then he went on to say one of our military dogs was killed. “A ‘canine,’ as they call it. I call it a dog. A beautiful dog — a talented dog was injured and brought back.”

He said the whole thing was like watching a movie, that his kill was bigger than Obama’s kill, that we’re poised to take the oil in the region, and that the 9/11 attacks would not have happened if everyone had just listened to him because he warned everybody about Bin Laden.

Trump didn’t even know who Abu Bakr al Baghdadi was before last night. We know this because he’s never tweeted about him. Nothing really happens unless it happens on TV or Twitter.

Baghdadi detonated his suicide vest killing himself and his 3 young children so technically he killed himself.

He didn’t brief the Gang of Eight like he’s supposed to. He said he didn’t tell Chuck and Nancy because Washington is a leaking machine. He told Lindsey Graham, thought, who went on to talk to the press after Trump did.

Trump gave top Russian officials classified information from within the Oval Office.

First Trump pulls out of Syria and lets loose hundreds of ISIS fighters, then he brags about killing their leader, and now they’re running all over the place, leaderless and really, really pissed off. Their dogs are barking.

Trump has been saying ISIS was 100% defeated for quite some time. It’s one of his MAGA rally lines. Since MAGAs are incapable of thinking critically, they won’t notice that Trump just claimed he defeated ISIS again.

People aren’t talking about this like Trump thought they would and Moscow says it remains unconvinced that Baghdadi is dead. Trump got played. By Putin.

Trump’s nemesis, House Intelligence Committee chair Adam Schiff, was scheduled to be on ABC’s This Week at the exact same time that Trump made his big announcement. That’s why he did it — to keep the Sunday morning shows from talking about this week’s news about him and Ukraine. His plan backfired. After he finally shut up, Adam Schiff was asked about Trump’s big announcement. He said, “Good riddance. This was a bloodthirsty killer.” Then he went on to talk about how well the investigation is going.

Obama’s announcement that Bin Laden was dead took 9 minutes, was very somber, and he didn’t take any questions. Trump’s brag rant went on for 40 minutes and he took questions.

How much is that doggie in the window? Look! Over there! OVER THERE!!!

Trump wants us all talking about him killing Abu Bakr al Baghdadi today so whatever you do, talk about Obama.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.