God Said

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 15, 2018

It was a big day for self righteous fake Christians in politics yesterday. The Bible was used to justify the kidnapping and incarceration of children by the government by both Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Jeff Sessions. Sarah said it was “very biblical to enforce the law” when confronted by a reporter during the White House press briefing. “You’re a mother, Sarah! Don’t you have any empathy for what these people are going through?” Apparently not — she cut him off, insulted him and blamed the Democrats. Jeff Sessions quoted the apostle, Paul, by saying that governments are made by God, “I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13, ‘to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order.’”

Politicians looking to justify slavery in the 19th century invoked Romans 13 too.

Jeff Sessions is a member of “The Fellowship,” a secretive DC prayer group. One of its longtime leaders (not an ordained minister, just another pulpit puppet master,) Douglas Coe, preached that the faithful needed to be as loyal to Jesus as the Red Guards were to Chairman Mao, “They would cut off the heads of their own parents for the good of the state,” he said from the podium. His followers needed to be as dedicated to Jesus as the Hitler Youth were to Hitler. Which begs the question — who is their Jesus? It’s whoever the master of the puppet pulpit says he is. When challenged about talking about Hitler from the pulpit, Coe and his followers would shrug it off and say, “It’s a metaphor.”

Evangelical leaders who insist that their faithful need to be blindly devoted to (fill in the blank) are fascists.

There are 11,000 kids in US custody and counting — a huge rise in the last couple of weeks. These poor kids don’t speak English and are totally traumatized by whatever atrocities they are fleeing back home, the long journey, being taken from their parents, and then put in jail with strangers. They are under constant surveillance in a big cell with no windows and are let outside only 2 hours a day. Visitors are told to smile at the them so they won’t feel like animals in cages.

Trump is planning on constructing tent cities for his political prisoners because human beings are overflowing his make shift jails made out of old Walmarts. The tents are going up at the hottest time of the year. People will die in the heat. If taking your kids away from you doesn’t keep you from coming to America, perhaps dying of heat stroke will.

Toupee wearing David Stringer, a member of the Arizona House of Representatives, said “immigration today represents an existential threat to the United States…….there aren’t enough white kids to go around.”

The Trump clan has been busted for using their foundation as a piggy bank. The New York attorney general is suing them for using their foundation as a slush fund to pay debts and boost Trump’s campaign. He bragged about his philanthropy on the campaign trail. He even used the veterans as a fundraiser at some of his rallies. People thought they were donating to veterans when in fact they were paying Trump’s legal bills.

The board of directors for Trump’s foundation is the Trump family and they haven’t met since 1999 when Ivanka was a teenager.

Michael Cohen has no legal representation. He told Vanity Fair that he expects to be arrested any day now. Michael Cohen knows were all of the bodies are. Trump must be shitting a tweet.

There is a bail hearing for Paul Manafort today. Will he get to leave with his ankle bracelets or will he have to sit in jail for witness tampering? Trump must be shitting a whole phone.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: When a reporter asked Paul Ryan if he had confidence in the EPA Administrator, Scott Pruitt, he admitted that he hadn’t been paying enough attention to provide a good comment. Paul Ryan is already gone.

The Inspector General report came out and surprise! It turns out that the FBI isn’t part of the deep state. They aren’t a bunch of liberal sympathizers who tried to swing the election for Hillary Clinton. In fact, Comey succumbed to Republican pressure to not appear to be too soft on Democrats so he reopened the email investigation right before the election without saying anything about the investigation into Trump colluding with Russia which was happening at the same time.

Trump said that while on the campaign trail, thousands of parents of soldiers killed in the Korean War asked him to bring their sons home. The Korean War ended in 1953. If parents were 18 when they had their kids, and their kids were 18 when they enlisted, they’d all be at least 101 years old.

This morning Trump told Fox News that he wants “his people” in the White House to treat him like Kim Jong-un’s people treat Kim Jong-un.

The rest of Trump’s people, his followers, are as loyal to him as the kids who cut their parents’ heads off were for Mao, only dumber.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.