GOP — The New Normal

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 2, 2023

It’s been 2 weeks since Kevin McCarthy and the Republicans took control of the House and what have they done? Nothing. Kevin can’t get the grin off his face, still full of himself wherever he goes that he’s the Speaker. Can you believe it? Look at me! I’m the Speaker! I’m the Speaker! As expected, his caucus is an out of control, foolish mess, bumping into each other like carnies on employee night, ramming each other with their bumper cars, whooping and hollering because they got hired as clowns by the New Normal Carnival.

Kevin showed everybody who’s boss by telling rival Democrat Jamie Raskin, who is wearing a bandana because his hair is falling out from chemo because he’s got cancer, to take off the scarf. Jamie got a standing ovation from the Dem caucus when he told him he would if the Republicans took off their toupees.

Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert got in a big fight in the ladies room just outside of the Speaker’s office. They could be heard all the way to the ticket line for entrance into the carnival. Once besties, they’re now vying for the attention of Kevin McCarthy and the CSPAN cameras.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, like Kevin McCarthy, is totally full of herself, getting off on her own power which she thinks is limitless. The House Oversight and Accountability Committee had its first hearing to investigate the “waste, fraud, and abuse” of billions of dollars of federal spending amid the COVID pandemic. Marjorie made a mockery out of the committee and herself when she tried to bully Gene Dodaro, the comptroller general of the US Government Accountability Office, by asking him the most absurd, irrelevant, and stupid questions. He couldn’t believe how bad the clown show was and just wanted it to be over. She wanted to know how much “COVID cash” was given to abortion and CRT. Dodaro didn’t know what she meant by CRT. She explained, “It’s a racist curriculum used to teach children that somehow their white skin is not equal to black skin.” She wanted to know how much was spent on Drag Queen Story Time (which was hilarious because she’s a member of the caucus with the first drag queen in Congress, George Santos). She claimed that one elementary school in Illinois received $5.1 billion to teach diversity. That’s more than half of the state’s budget for K-12 education over all.

Lauren Boebert got up in the middle of the House Oversight Committee hearing to hug the mother of Ashli Babbitt, the insurrectionist who was shot and killed by police because she was charging towards the House chambers after breaking into the Capitol on January 6. She took to the floor and made a speech intended to attack ATF for taking away citizens’ rights. “Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. In Western Colorado, we call that a fun weekend but DC bureaucrats have used this agency to infringe on the rights of the people!”

Lauren Boebert said that Merrick Garland was treating Trump like a criminal. She tweeted out a Bible verse to commemorate Pearl Harbor but called it Pear Harbor. Easy typo for most, but she probably thinks Pear Harbor is a slushy flavor at the snack shack at the New Normal Carnival. Employees get a 20% discount. Boebert won by 546 votes and acts like she’s head clown of the Republican Party now.

Matt Gaetz wanted to introduce an amendment that said meetings should start off with the pledge of allegiance recited by “inspirational constituents.” Democrat David Cicilline said he would support Gaetz’s amendment if it contained a provision that would restrict “anyone who supported the insurrection” from leading the pledge. Gaetz got dunked in the Big Splash dunk tank by the Democrats but they were still stuck having to stare at his forehead.

Rookie member from Florida and an Air Force veteran, Anna Paulina Luna, wore an assault weapon pin at the Oversight hearing, less than 48 hours after her state experienced a mass shooting. Drag queen by night, Congress clown by day, George Santos, wore one too. Members of Congress wore flag pins in the old normal days.

George Santos took himself off of all committees that Kevin McCarthy put him on because he doesn’t want to be a distraction since the press follows his every move. They sit outside his office in the Capitol, waiting for him. One day he put cupcakes out for the press to enjoy and on another day he opened the door and put up a POW MIA flag. He’s a prisoner of war now?

George Santos is under investigation for campaign fraud and campaign finance violations. More than a dozen major donations to George Santos’s losing 2020 congressional campaign came from donors who don’t exist. He went from making $50,000 a year to millions and then loaned over $700,000 to his campaign then filed amended reports. He says he had hired a new campaign treasurer but the guy says he doesn’t work for the campaign and never authorized his electronic signature on the FEC filing. DOJ has asked FEC to back off for a bit while they look into crimes and whatever else he’s done that warrants a federal investigation. The New Normal Carnival could be a front for criminal enterprise.

George Santos has made history for being the first newly elected member of Congress under investigation by local, state, federal and international authorities.

George Santos happened because Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert were normalized.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.