Got It

Offiical WH task force prayer photo featuring a bunch of unqualified white men, the Bride of Frankenstein (Stephen Miller’s new wife) and some guy keeping snot from running out of his nose.

Mike Pence is on it! Fear not, America! Mike Pence and his task force are PRAYING the coronavirus away! No thoughts (because that could lead to critical thinking which could lead to science,) just prayers. Rest easy, America! Mike Pence has got this!

Everybody in the White House is totally freaking out about what to do about the health crisis. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!!!! First we have got to try and convince the public that we’re not freaking out. To prove that they weren’t freaking out, Pence tweeted out a round table meeting of all men with this caption: Today we had a very productive meeting of the White House Coronavirus Taskforce in the Situation Room. We placed additional travel restrictions on Iran & we are increasing the travel advisory to level 4, urging Americans not to travel to specific regions in Italy & South Korea.

Sound good? We got it!

Global health crisis history fun fact: 1/3 of the people around the world got the Spanish flu in 1918 and 1919. 2.5% of the people who got it died, a total of 80 to 100 million worldwide. Soldiers who fought in WWI spread it from port to port. More US soldiers died from the Spanish flu (63,114) than did in combat (53,402.) Overall, 675,000 Americans were killed by the Spanish flu, amounting to more than all of the US soldiers who were killed in WWI, WWII, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War combined. India lost 18 to 20 million people. If the coronavirus travels around the world and infects as many people as the 1918/19 flu did, 1 billon people could die. 1/3 of our Congress could get it.

Trump called a press conference after the first person to contract the virus on American soil died. Everybody expected him to talk about that but he didn’t. He called the press conference to announce the end of the war in Afghanistan because he really needed to look good after the stock market tanked. He had to prove to himself that he’s still got it.

He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get anything.

Trump said this about the Afghanistan troop withdrawal: “I guess most of all I want to thank the people of the United States for having spent so much in terms of blood, in terms of treasure, and treasury. The money that has been spent, the lives that have been lost……..We have killed ISIS fighters by the thousands and likewise in Afghanistan but now it’s time for somebody else to do that work and that will be the Taliban.

You got this, Afghanistan? We’re outta here.

2 weeks ago Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said that the Afghan peace deal would not require the release of Taliban prisoners. Trump’s deal required them to release 5,000. He is betraying our Afghan allies like he did our Kurdish allies. People will get killed.

After he bragged about himself ending the war, he got around to talking about the coronavirus, mere hours after he did a MAGA rally in South Carolina where he called the coronavirus a Democratic hoax. He kind of admitted that the coronavirus wasn’t fake but he downplayed it by saying, “Healthy people, if you’re healthy, you will probably go through a process and you’ll be fine.” He mentioned the deceased and said it was a woman in her 50s who was already sickly. “She was a very fine woman,” he said. The first person who got the virus in America and died was a man.

“Listening to Donald Trump may be hazardous to your health.” — Jeffrey Guterman

When a reporter confronted Trump about calling the coronavirus a Democratic hoax at a MAGA rally the day before he said no he didn’t. “I don’t like it when they are criticizing these people, and that’s the hoax,” he said.


Trump would like us to believe that when he used the word “hoax” it was NOT about the coronavirus itself but about what Democrats were saying about his administration’s response. Got it? You called my people names so now you’re gonna get it. I’m gonna smear the shit out of you.

After he put on an act for the press he headed over to CPAC and let it rip in front of the crazies. He said that Bloomberg was violating campaign finance laws which not a single person present saw as ironic. When he brought up Mitt Romney the crowd booed. Trump called him a low life and the crowd booed some more. Regarding Elizabeth Warren, he said “Look what I did to her! She choked. You know, she went out and got a test because I was killing her with the Pocahontas.” On the Taliban peace deal he said they timed the withdrawal to coincide with CPAC and then boasted that “We could win that war easily if we wanted to kill a million people.”

Trump accused the Democrats of wanting to turn the US into a large scale Venezuela. “They want to take away your money. Take away your choice. Take away your speech. Take away your guns. Take away your religion. Take away your history. Take away your future … and freedom.” Got it? Ba-dump bump.

After Trump finished his CPAC MAGA speech he grabbed the flag by the pussy, kissed it and told it he loved it. Then he went back to the White flop House, cuddled up with his Diet Coke, bag of chips, TV and phone and tweeted this: Democrats are working hard to destroy the name and reputation of Crazy Bernie Sanders, and take the nomination away from him!

Trump still thinks he’s got game but all he can get anymore is a flag.

Joe Biden kicked ass in the primary race in Lindsey Graham’s state, South Carolina, yesterday. Lindsey congratulated his former friend who he totally fucked over in a tweet. He congratulated him on defeating socialism.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Republicans in South Carolina who aren’t hypocrites abandoned the party to vote for Democrats yesterday. A high percentage.

Tomorrow Lindsey Graham will more than likely re-up the Burisma “investigation.”

Lindsey is gonna get Joe.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.