Grandpa is a Felon

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMay 31, 2024


Trump called a “press conference” this morning in front of the elevators at Trump Tower (he fooled the media again as this was no press conference — he took no questions). He attacked Michael Cohen, called Judge Merchan a “tyrant,” and slammed DA Alvin Bragg and the charges against him. Same old shit. Nothing new except he’s A CONVICTED FELON. He better watch his mouth because he’s still under a gag order prohibiting him from attacking witnesses, jurors, attorneys, the DA, and the judge. If he keeps it up it every offense could count against him at sentencing day which is July 11. He could get a tough sentence if he continues to violate the gag order, show no remorse, and threaten to re-offend. Each of the 34 counts he was convicted on is worth 4 years in jail.

He gets sentenced 4 days before he will be nominated as the Republican nominee for president.

He looked really bad, standing in front of those elevators. He either saw a ghost last night or he forgot to put his makeup on this morning.

Trump is still facing 54 more criminal charges in 3 more cases — inciting an insurrection in DC (4), classified documents in South Florida (40), and election interference in Georgia (10).

Critics said the New York case was the weakest case but so far it’s the only case.

Last night Trump sent out a fundraising post: I AM A POLITICAL PRISONER! I was just convicted in a Rigged Witch Hunt trial: I DID NOTHING WRONG! Joe Biden needs to get the message that his chances of a 2nd term END TODAY!

Republicans are coming out in support of Trump, but not in a unified way because the party lacks leadership. There is no single message that they are all making. Ted Cruz posted: “This is a dark day for America.” Susan Collins released a statement saying Trump was prosecuted for no other reason other than he’s Trump. Mitch McConnell said, “These charges should have never been brought in the first place. I expect these charges to be overturned on appeal.” JD Vance called for Congress to subpoena Judge Merchan and his daughter. Speaker Mike Johnson said, “I do believe the Supreme Court should step in. I think that the Justices on the Court, I know many of them personally, I think they are deeply concerned about that, as we are. So I think they’ll set this straight.”

MAGAs are calling for riots, revolution, and violent retribution online. Right wing media personalities and cult followers want revenge.

Fox News’ Jesse Watters cried on air after the verdict was announced. He said Republicans aren’t safe in New York anymore. Trump isn’t safe in the city he was born in. Fox has been regularly bashing New York as being the most dangerous place on earth for years. So which is it? New York is not safe for anybody walking down the street or New York is not safe for Republicans and Trump?

As a convicted felon, Trump should lose the right to vote but he probably never voted anyway. Voters in Florida passed Amendment 4 several years ago which gives felons who have paid their debt to society and finished their parole a chance to petition for their stripped rights back. Ron DeSantis has ignored it when it comes to convicting Black people but watch how fast he applies it for Trump.

If Trump is a felon and can be president then it follows that “felon” should be removed from all job applications, rental applications, and professional certifications, right?

If you can’t join the military because you’re a convicted felon then a convicted felon shouldn’t be able to be the Commander in Chief, right?

Trump’s former campaign manager, deputy campaign manager, national security adviser, foreign policy advisor, personal lawyers, and political consultants are all felons too. Republican voters have no problem with this which is a very serious problem.

Now Ivanka’s kids will have to wonder which one of their grandpa they’re talking about when the kids at school tease them and say, “Your grandpa is a felon!”



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.