Ground Hog Day

As expected, the first day of the 118th Congress was a chaotic, embarrassing mess. The House voted three times on Speaker and Kevin McCarthy lost every time. At the end of the day, the meeting was adjourned and Kevin bought pizza for everyone so he could negotiate with terrorists before trying again today at noon.

Three votes in one day with the exact same outcome, like ground hog day. If these were normal times, McCarthy would have known he had the votes and the vote would have been a formality but these aren’t normal times so hogs tightened the rope a little tighter with each vote. As of this morning, Kevin McCarthy remains hog tied by his own hogs while the hogs take over the farm like the MAGAs did on January 6.

The liberal Democrat, Hakeen Jeffries, got the same count each time, 212. When outgoing speaker, Nancy Pelosi, stood up to call out her vote for him she got a standing ovation. The Dems are united.

Nobody would sit next to Kevin McCarthy which is really saying something because hogs will not only sit next to anybody, they’ll sit on top of anybody.

The Republicans don’t want a leader. They don’t want to be led. They aren’t part of a team. They’re all in it for themselves. They’re slipping around in the shit and mud, committing political suicide and they don’t care. They don’t have a policy agenda. All they have are personal grievances. All the hogs want to do is roll in mud and oink, ON CAMERA.

Speaking of hogging the camera, Marjorie Taylor Greene let it rip out in the halls of Congress. “This is not about prom kings and pastors!” She’s mad at the other two little pigs, Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert. They were supposed to blow the House down together but they went in without her to negotiate with Kevin behind closed doors. They demanded committee positions for themselves but didn’t ask for any committee positions for her, and she doesn’t even have any! Can you believe it! They’re hogging all the committees! She doesn’t have any committee assignments because they were all revoked because she’s such a lunatic. Nevertheless, they’re supposed to be the Three Muppeteers, and now she’s been left out. Miss Piggy was miffed that Kermit dumped her for Bo Bo the foul mouthed Fuck It Muppet.

Bo Bo Lauren Boebert told the press, “We could have been sworn in today but instead we got sworn at!”

Matt Gaetz sent a letter to the Capitol Architect saying Kevin McCarthy moved his stuff into the Speaker’s office but he’s not the Speaker so what’s the deal? “How long can he remain in there before he’s considered a squatter?”

The first thing the Republicans did once they had power was remove the metal detectors outside of the chambers. Why? Because they believe there is no longer any threat to them? Nancy Pelosi had them installed after the insurrection because terrorists broke in and tried to kill them. Or do they want to be free to show up to work packing?

3/4 of the House GOP caucus voted against certifying the election and now they’re all back in the same place refusing to vote for a leader. Insurrectionists are choosing the next House Speaker.

“Republicans took control of the House today, this time without breaking and entering.” — Jimmy Kimmel

George Santos had the nerve to show up. Like Kevin McCarthy, nobody would sit next to him. He sat way in the back, by himself, next to bored, restless kids while he scrolled his phone and picked his nose. During the break he tried to avoid the press who wanted to know why he was there and what his real name was. He got trapped and lost, just like Matt Gaetz and Bo Bo Lauren Boebert did the day before. The guy can’t stop lying. He posted a press release on his official House website that said he had taken the oath and been sworn in. No he hadn’t. Nobody had. The only thing that happened yesterday was pigs wrestled each other without accomplishing a damn thing.

Trump never grunted a word yesterday but finally got around to posting this morning that he thought that Republicans should vote for Kevin. “Close the deal…..Don’t take a great triumph and turn it into an embarrassing defeat.”

Trump is a pig.

Pigs fun fact: Wild boars eat each other. Big boars will actively hunt the smaller ones down and feast on them.