Group Think

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 2, 2020

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Trump’s Mar-a-Lago groupies — The Trumpettes!

Trump’s re-election campaign raised $46 million in the final quarter of 2019. They say it’s because people were inspired to give because of impeachment. Um, what “people?” Groupies? Trumpettes? Russians? Rich hoteliers who want to be ambassadors?

Counties that hosted MAGA rallies for Trump in 2016 are seeing a 226% increase in hate crimes. All ethnic groups are targets.

Trump has a 97% disapproval rating among black women. That’s pretty much all black women except those 100 and over who have dementia and don’t even know who the president is, plus groupies Diamond and Silk and Candace Owens.

Republicans are pandering, opportunistic, useless groupie idiots fun fact: When the GOP was in the majority they held a congressional hearing with Diamond and Silk.

90% of the House Republican caucus are white men. 90%! Group hug!

Republicans are home for the holidays, trying to figure out how they’re going to save themselves after selling their party and the whole country out. Poor Republicans. Groupies be like, “Oh God gross! Let’s get out of here!”

“Trump didn’t hijack the GOP and bend it to his will. He did something far easier: He looked at the party, saw its fault lines and then offered himself as a pure distillation of accumulated white grievance and anger.” — Stuart Stevens

Australia is on fire. The bush fires are so big they’re generating their own weather which is causing lightning which causes more fires. 500,000 million animals have been burned alive and people have taken to jumping into boats to escape the blazes. Science deniers and their groupies be like, “They should have raked the bush.”

Trump had a New Year’s Eve party at Mar-a-Lago and made an entrance in his motorcade even though he lives there just so the South Florida country club groupies and freaks could line up to receive and adore him and then walk in on a red carpet as if they were celebrities. There weren’t any celebrities though. Celebrities be like, “I’m not getting my picture taken at Mar-a-Lago.” There was just the has been what’s his face from that one hit wonder group Sugar Ray amidst botox, silicone, bleached senior hair, big jewelry, and old furs. Rudy was there though. When the press asked him if he would testify at the trial, he blathered on and on, and said (booze in hand,) “I would not only testify, I’d do demonstrations, give lectures, I’d give summations, or I’d do what I do best — I’d try the case. I don’t know if anyone would have the courage to give me the case but if you give the me the case I’d prosecute it as a racketeering case which I kind of invented anyway. It’s been 30 years ago but let’s see if I can still do it.”

“What kind of client would want his criminal defense lawyer walking around in front of TV cameras talking about his case with a glass of scotch in his hand on New Year’s Eve?” — Richard Painter

The president of the United States and his groupie sitting congressman, Devin Nunes, are attacking an American business, AT&T because they don’t like them.

Speaking of American businesses, FedEx, Netflix, Eli Lilly, JetBlue, Amazon, Chevron, Whirlpool, Starbucks, Salesforce, Halliburton, Delta Airlines, Goodyear Tires, Prudential Financial are some of the corporations who not only didn’t pay any taxes in 2019 but some of them actually got money from the government. And they used tax payer funded roads to get their product to market.

Mike Pompeo cancelled his second trip to Ukraine in 3 months. Rudy Giuliani has been to Ukraine more than the Secretary of State.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: New York state assembly member Brian Kolb, the Minority Leader, got wasted on New Year’s Eve, crashed his car and got busted with a DUI, 5 days after tweeting that there is “no excuse for driving impaired.”

The Third Lady Melania said her New Year’s resolution was “Peace on the World” or “Piss on the World.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups” — George Carlin

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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