Grumpy Old White Men

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 13, 2022

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Alex Jones — the inner child of every Republican threatened by voting rights

Old white men in the Senate had a collective cow over Biden’s speech calling them out over voting rights.

On the Senate floor, Mitch McConnell railed against Biden calling white supremacy in the Senate out as “profoundly unpresidential.” Trump was profoundly unpresidential and he not only never once said that Trump was profoundly unpresidential, he voted to acquit him twice after being impeached, which led to an attack on the Capitol by middled aged and grumpy old white men who are pissed off that their neighborhoods aren’t all white anymore.

Mitch McConnell accused Biden of being a grumpy old crazy white man by saying that his speech was an incoherent rant (old man yells at a cloud!) saying, “He invoked the literal Civil War and said we are on the doorstep of ‘autocracy.’ He talked about domestic ‘enemies.’” Um, Trump and the Trumplicans (formerly the Republican Party) have literally called for civil war.

Mitch McConnell enabled an autocrat and Republican members of Congress helped him organize a coup that included an attack on the Capitol while every member of Congress was inside. That was profoundly un-democratic and un-American.

Marco Rubio, a grumpy old white man in a young Hispanic man’s body, took to the Senate floor to get attention. “You want to talk about defending democracy? Let’s talk about the Americans who are afraid to donate to political campaigns, to put a bumper sticker on their car… they’re afraid because they don’t want to get canceled! I don’t care how many candlelight vigils and musical performances you have from the cast of Hamilton, you’re not going to convince most normal and sane people that our government last year was almost overthrown by a guy wearing a Viking hat and speedos.”

Mitt Romney, whose Mormon smile masks his inner grumpy old white man compared Biden to Trump because he called the Republicans out for voter suppression, “President Biden goes down the same tragic road taken by President Trump, casting doubt on the reliability of American elections.”

John Cornyn isn’t worried about losing his male white supreme status. He says he’s confident that Joe Biden won’t succeed. He’s overpromising and won’t deliver. That’s what all grumpy old white men have believed since the beggining of their time.

Being insulted by Joe Biden was the least of Kevin McCarthy’s problems yesterday. The Select Committee has asked him to voluntarily provide information about what he knows, what he said, and what he did about the insurrection. He is the third member of Congress to be asked to appear (after Jim Jordan and Scott Perry.) He said no because that would be an abuse of power. It’s an abuse of power to challenge white supremacist abuse of power? He has also got to deal with the fourth Republican in his caucus facing jail. He can’t take on one more scandal that he’s expected to spin, ignore, lie and sweat about. News broke that Matt Gaetz’s ex-girlfriend, a former Capitol Hill staffer who has known Gaetz since the summer of 2017, testified before a grand jury in Florida after negotiating an immunity deal. She partied with the boys and girls in the Bahamas. Matt Gaetz will be a grumpy old white man when he gets out of jail.

Grumpy old white man with the phony sincere countenance, Mike Pence is annoyed with the Select Committee for wanting to interview him and his staff. He says the Democrats are trying to hurt Republicans’ chances of winning in the primaries this year. That’s not it. He wants to run for president in 2024 and would prefer it if nobody would mention his name anymore when talking about the attack on the Capitol.

The Ohio Supreme Court sent grumpy old white men back to the drawing board after it declared that their Republican gerrymandered district maps were unconstitutional.

Grumpy old white man Trump got pissed at NPR and ended an interview early when he was asked to comment on his election fraud claims. NPR’s audience got all grumpy over NPR interviewing Trump in the first place. They don’t want to listen to that shit. That’s why they listen to NPR. NPR legitimized Trump by interviewing him, knowing full well that he would go on his usual grumpy old man mob boss rant and say nothing new. He accepted the invitation thinking NPR stood for National Party Republican.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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