Happy Impeachment Day!
Turn on the TV! It’s Impeachment Day! ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS are all airing the first public impeachment hearing live!
Bars opened really early throughout DC for watch parties. If you like Subpoena Coladas, and getting caught in the rain….
“I need to take a few breaths and calm down, cause I’m so hopped up on coffee and impeachment that I feel like I could punch a buffalo” — Amee Vanderpool
The witnesses testifying today are Bill Taylor, top diplomat in Ukraine, and George Kent, deputy assistant secretary of state for European and Eurasian affairs. They will testify together side by side, and be questioned by attorneys for both the Democrats and Republicans. The Democrats have been practicing with mock hearings and the Republicans have been engaged in a food fight, going with whatever ends up sticking to the wall (pun intended.) After the attorneys finish questioning the witnesses, the lawmakers will get 5 minutes to ask questions. The Democrats are well prepared and the Republicans have brought spaghetti, donuts and half eaten moldy pizza.
The Democrats will celebrate at the end of the day with gourmet peach mint liqueur poured over sweet justice gelato. They will eat it with a spoon while the Republicans chase the ice cream truck all over DC fighting off the drunken hecklers throwing beer nuts and chicken wings at them as they stumble out of the bars.
Meanwhile, Trump is quoting Rush Limbaugh on Twitter and looking forward to his meeting with Erdogan at noon followed by a press conference at 3, right when the impeachment hearing is estimated to wrap up. Fox will be the only ones there today. Today would be a good day to start the nonexistent war on Christmas since they aren’t going to cover impeachment. Throw their audience a bow!
The SCOTUS heard opening arguments for the DACA case. The fate of 700,000 dreamers is in its hands. The temporary legal status given to them by Obama is being taken away by Trump because he hates immigrants. He tweeted out that dreamers are hardened criminals yesterday.
State Department officials hired Mina Chang to be one of Trump’s top administrative officials without vetting her. She makes a 6 figure salary, funded by tax payers. She just got busted for lying about a Harvard degree and being on the cover of TIME magazine. No big deal. Trump high fived her and showed her his copy of TIME with him on the cover.
Closing arguments for Roger Stone’s trial are today, the same day that impeachment hearings start. Defense is going to rest without putting on any evidence. Roger Stone is in deep shit and could go to jail this week. Trump is in deep shit too because Rick Gates testified and said that Trump was directly involved in the conspiracy with WikiLeaks releasing information to influence the election. Trump said in writing, under oath, that he did no such thing. That’s perjury.
Stupid idiot is on a roll again. He was photographed on the tarmac with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. Nobody told him. Everybody hates him.
Emails written by Stephen Miller to Breitbart before the 2016 election have been released. In them he said that the white race is being exterminated by people of color. It’s proof that Trump’s immigration policies are driven by a white nationalist ideology. Nobody needed to read the emails to know that Stephen Miller is a white supremacist. We know it. The Republicans, Fox News, and MAGAs went nuts when Congresswoman Ilhan Omar called Stephen Miller a “white nationalist.” She knows it. Everybody knows it. Republicans, Fox News, and MAGAs know it and they like it.
“I don’t know this for a fact, but if you pour salt in your window and door frames, Stephen Miller can’t enter your house” — Jeff Hudson
Here we go. Margaritas for everyone — pass the salt!
For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.
For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.
For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.
For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.
The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.
