Heads on Pikes
A new audio tape has been released with Trump telling Lev Parnas to “take her out” regarding Marie Yovanovitch. Republicans have no comment because they’re too busy being offended by Adam Schiff quoting a CBS news story that claims that Trump threatened all senators by telling them that he would put their heads on pikes if they dared disobey him.
Republicans are offended because they say nobody would ever get to take their heads and put them on pikes, not even the president of the United States!
But Trump doesn’t know Lev Parnas, remember? This is a witch hunt that ends with burning the greatest president in the history of the world at the pike.
The managers from the House gave a Masters Class on how to nail an opening argument and make the case for impeachment. The Republicans chewed gum, threw spitballs at the back of the class and carved, “Adam Schiff sucks dirty donkey balls” into their desks with pikes. Adam Schiff is a butthead! Adam Schiff is a butthead! He’s a boil-dripping, beef-fart-sniffing bubble butt butthead! A fart factory, slug-slmed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger times infinity!
Here let me take that pike and jab you in the smart ass eyes with it.
Mike Pompeo lost it and yelled at NPR reporter Mary Louise Kell because she dared ask him about Ukraine. Americans don’t fucking care about Ukraine! To prove it he grabbed a blank map and asked her to point to Ukraine on the map. She did. That just made him madder. The pikes are closing in. Lots and lots of pikes.
Jay Sekulow screamed at the press. He’s really stressed out and scared. Heads on pikes scared.
Why are Mike Pompeo and Jay Sekulow freaking out when they know the Republicans won’t vote to remove, pikes or no pikes? What are they so worried about?
Joni Ernst voted 11 times to block new evidence and then had the nerve to leave the Senate chambers to tell the press that the House managers didn’t have enough evidence. We can see where this is headed — straight down Pike Street.
The road to hell is paved with hollow rusty pikes.
Meanwhile, 34 service members have been diagnosed with traumatic brain injuries since the January 8 Iranian missile attack and Trump is like “Get over it. It’s not like anybody actually drove a pike through your head or anything.”
Lindsey Graham went on Fox News and said he’s not going to live in a country where Trump is investigated and Biden isn’t. Maybe Russia or Iran will take him. We’ll throw in some free pikes.
Trump was the first president to attend the annual anti abortion rally in DC. No other president in 47 years has ventured right into the middle of that cock fight. That would be worse than hammering rusty spikes into your own eyes but he did it because he’s so desperate for the pro-life vote. Now would be a good time for all of the women who were impregnated by Trump who had abortions and signed nondisclosure agreements to speak up and tell the world what an absolute pig on a stick Trump is.
73 year old Neil Young became an American citizen just so he could vote against Trump in November. Since you can’t drive a pike through his heart to get rid of him, you might as well vote.
Trump’s rag tag team of lawyers is going to present their opening arguments today. They won’t be rebutting the Democrats’ points because they’ve got to stay clear of the actual offenses. They’ll put Biden’s head on a pike and roast it on the embers of the burning Constitution while the Republicans throw spitballs in the back of the room.
Jerry Nadler called Trump a dictator at the end of his remarks. He said Trump is “the first and only president ever to declare himself unaccountable. Only his will goes. He is a dictator. This must not stand.”
Stick that in your pike and smoke it.
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