Help is on the Way!
Trump took a break from stuffing his fat ugly face with McDonalds, tweeting and watching TV to pardon a turkey yesterday.
Yesterday, Joe Biden held a press conference to announce his national security and foreign policy nominations. He said, “It’s a team that reflects the fact that America is back — ready to lead the world, not retreat from it.” People who have been holding their breath for 4 years afraid that we could get bombed any minute because we have a boob in charge of the country, exhaled a little bit and then they cried because it had been so long since anybody with power spoke so eloquently, confidently, and assuredly. MAGAs didn’t cry though. They’re still holding their breath because they’re mad about all the election fraud. Somebody tell them that if they keep doing that they’ll turn blue in the face and could end up voting for Democrats.
President-elect Biden has chosen Alejandro Mayorkas for secretary of homeland security. He was born in Cuba and came to the US as a refugee. If the Republicans don’t fuck this up for the hell of it and not confirm him, he will be the first Latino and first immigrant to lead the agency in charge of implementing the country’s immigration policies and border laws. He’s also got a lot of experience working for the Department of Homeland Security and happens to be one of the architects of DACA.
Antony Blinken has 20 years experience and served as deputy national security adviser and deputy secretary of state during the Obama administration. He’s up for Secretary of State and would replace the religious zealot who thinks Trump was sent by God, Mike Pompeo, and will be charged with getting us back in the Paris Accord, and rejoining the Iran nuclear deal and the World Health Organization. When he accepted the nomination, he said of his late stepfather, a Holocaust survivor who had escaped the Nazis, “He heard a deep rumbling. He ran to the tank. The hatch opened. An African American GI looked down at him. He got down on his knees and said the only 3 words he knew in English — God bless America.”
The former federal reserve chair who guided us through George W. Bush’s Great Recession, Janet Yellen, has been chosen for treasury secretary. She would be the first woman in this role if the Republicans don’t fuck it up and not confirm her. Another first time female appointee, Avril Haines, has been named for director of national intelligence. She’s already served as deputy director for the CIA and Obama’s principal deputy national security adviser. UN ambassador will be Linda Thomas-Greenfield and she’s got over 30 years experience in foreign service. Ron Klain will be the White House Chief of Staff. He was Biden’s chief of staff when he was VP and led the Obama administration’s response to the Ebola outbreak. John Kerry will be in charge of climate change!
Help is on the way!
Watch the Republicans try and smear all of this competence, respect and experience with insults about being over educated socialist baby killing snobs.
Trump took credit for the gains in the stock market the day after he conceded without conceding. It hit 30,000 the day after Trump conceded but didn’t concede and Joe Biden announced Janet Yellen as treasury secretary. Trump said the markets would crash if he didn’t win. Just the opposite. He did a brief press conference to brag about his triumph. He took no questions before running away. A reporter said, “Well that was weird as shit.”
Speaking of weird as shit, a helicopter crew spotted a weird metal monolith in the desert of Utah. It’s about 10 feet high and looks like a shiny silver Toblerone candy bar. Is it art, a UFO prank for Trump’s new reality TV show, “Who Wants to be a Billionaire,” or a Mormon shrine to Joseph Smith so the aliens from planet Kolob can find the faithful and beam them up quickly?
778,000 more people filed for unemployment for the first time last week. That’s more than economists expected. Watch Trump and the Republicans blame Joe Biden for it. And abortion. And socialism. And Obama. And Hillary.
Former Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has spoken. He wants Democrats to forget about the Republicans supporting Trump on everything so they can get to work with “both sides now.” Fuck you Paul Ryan, and fuck your entire party too.
56 days until the Republicans start pretending to care about the record high debt and deficit that they created.
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