Trump thinks he’s the greatest president in the history of the world. He believes it because he believes everything he tells himself. He doesn’t know that he’s a big fat pasty naked wrinkled emperor with an orange head admiring his own clothes that he made himself. He sees a gorgeous king with gorgeous blonde hair, a hunk of a body, and a bitchin’ tan. Lindsey Graham keeps telling him he looks marvelous. Lindsey tells the rest of the Republicans to compliment Trump on how nice he looks. Tell him. TELL HIM.

They look straight at him and tell him he’s a star.

The rest of us are like, LOOK AWAY! AHHHHHH MY EYES! MY EYES!

Lindsey Graham told the Republicans to get in line around Trump declaring a national emergency declaration for the wall or else. “This is about more than a barrier. This is about us as a party.”

Trump believes he won’t be impeached because he told himself so. “The problem is you can’t impeach somebody for doing the best job of any president, in the history of our country, for the first two years.”

Senate Democrats have introduced legislation to prevent Trump from using military and disaster relief funds to construct a wall along the border if he declares a national emergency which he just might do tonight since he gets to be on TV and thinks the whole world will be looking at him because who would want to miss the biggest MAGA rally in the history of the world.

A sixth grade kid has been invited to the State of the Union tonight because kids bully him because of his name — Josh Trump. The most famous bully in the world is putting his arm around a kid his son’s age for a not to be missed reality TV moment, “Bullies.”

Trump has never put his arm around his own kid.

The invitation of Josh Trump is the latest initiative of Melania Trump’s Be Best campaign.

What happened to Melania’s eyes?

“The SOTU is 45 minutes. The same amount of time it takes Stephen Miller to inflate and deflate his girlfriend.” — Jeremy Newberger

He’s going to go off script tonight. He can’t help himself. Now that I have all of your attention……LOOK INTO MY EYES!!!!

People are doing their taxes and finding out that they owe when they got a refund last year. They’re pissed. #TaxScam

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Right after the Republican Tax Law passed Trump told his friends at Mar-a-Lago, “You all just got a lot richer.”

“MAGAtender, another round of yachts for me and my friends!”

Uncle Tom Tim Scott, the only black Senator in the Republican party, voted for the Republican tax bill. They put him right out in front in the Rose Garden when they all high fived each other in front of the media and praised Trump on his bitching new suit. Tim Scott grew up poor in South Carolina. He was raised by a single mother. Tim Scott is a tea party Republican. He does not represent the black people of his state. Only the rich white ones.

Black history month: Black Americans didn’t come in caravans. They came by boat, chained to other Africans lying in their own feces and urine after being hunted down like animals, captured and sold to human brokers who transported them to what wasn’t America yet to be auctioned off like cattle, to other humans who would own them, rape them, whip them, sell their children, and force them to work for free so that they could get rich.

Lincoln made them free, but not equal.

History has lied to us about African Americans and we don’t want to see their real truth because we know it will burn our eyes. Some are afraid of how that will feel and others would rather stick hot pokers in their eyes than see their black neighbors as free and equal.

We’re being lied to, straight to our faces, by the white wealth owners in the Republican party. They’re telling us that what we see is not what we see. Don’t trust your eyes or your ears.

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie.” — Joseph Goebbels

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.