How Dare You

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 24, 2019

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Trump is making a total ass out of himself at the United Nations again. He dared attack a political rival, whined about Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize and that the prize is rigged against him, “I think I’m going to get a Nobel Prize for a lot of things, if they gave it out fairly, which they don’t. They gave one to Obama immediately upon his ascent to the presidency, and he had no idea why he got it,” referred to the beginning of his presidency as “when I took over the United States,” said that Joe Biden should get the electric chair and, while standing next to the president of Poland, told reporters that they are crooked as hell and all Democrats.

Trump wasn’t going to go to the climate meeting but decided to make an appearance after all…..for 10 minutes. While the grownups talked about climate change in one room, Trump and Pence bitched about religious persecution in another, never mentioning Trump’s Muslim ban or turning refugees away. They dared to use the free TV time to pander to their whack job evangelical base. Evangelical yee-haw Texas Baptist preacher Robert Jeffress praised Trump for blowing off the climate summit, calling climate change “an imaginary problem” and a “hoax.”

16 year old Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg addressed the world’s most powerful leaders at the UN and told them, “HOW DARE YOU!” Then she and 15 other young people filed a complaint with the UN alleging that 5 of the world’s leading economies and the largest emitters have violated their human rights by not taking action to stop the climate crisis.

The Fox News talking heads made fun of Greta and called her mentally ill because she has Asperger’s. Laura Ingraham called her Children of the Corn.

Amy Kremer, co-founder of Women for Trump, is calling Democrats hypocrites for defending Greta for being disrespectful to adults. How dare they when they were so critical of the shitty teenagers from Covington Catholic High School who mocked a native American elder, sexually harassed women on the mall, and protested a woman’s right to abortion.

15 more Democrats have called for impeachment. Republicans have said nothing. 7 of them, all former military or CIA in red states, dared to write an op-ed together in the Washington Post saying that Trump bribing another country with the US military was a threat to national security. The Republicans haven’t said a word. They wouldn’t dare.

Republicans are hiding from the media so they won’t have to comment on Trump selling the country out. Except for Senators John Cornyn of Texas and Marco Rubio of Florida. John Cornyn said that the whistleblower is a leaker who should be criminally investigated and Marco Rubio said that the word “impeachment” gets tossed around so much it doesn’t mean anything anymore. After that Marco took to Twitter to tweet out Bible quotes because he’s a soldier for Jesus and quite a daring guy.

Moscow Mitch said that the Democrats are politicizing Ukraine. How dare he.

Trump claims that the whole Ukraine thing is just another witch hunt. “The Democrats are at it again.” How dare he.

The corrupt American president dared say that his phone conversations with Ukraine’s president were to keep an eye on corruption — “It’s very important to talk about corruption. If you don’t talk about corruption, why would you give money to a country that you think is corrupt? It’s very important that on occasion you speak to somebody about corruption.” The most corrupt American president in history dares call anyone corrupt.

Trump is thinking about releasing a redacted version of the transcript of his conversation with the president of Ukraine. “We’ll see.” Either that, or he could have his attorney general, Bill Barr, summarize it on TV.

Bill Weld, who is running against Trump in the Republican primary, is fuming mad about what Trump has done and dared to say that it’s in the constitution that this type of betrayal to America is punishable by death.

It’s true.

And the Republicans dare keep silent.

40% of the GOP House seats are up for grabs now. 41 Republicans are retiring. They don’t want to work for the mob anymore. Just as well. They were never in it for the country anyway.

How dare they.

Call your reps to support impeachment — (202) 224–3121.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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