How the Snitch Stole Christmas (from Trump)

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 17, 2021

Mike Huckabee interviewed Trump for Newsmax in a banquet room at Mar-a-Lago. He stroked him and the baby Republican Jesus and said, “Mr. President, I want to say, because of you, a lot of Americans have had some great Christmases.” Then he let Trump save Christmas. Again. “I brought back Christmas.” The grinch did no such thing. He stole it.

Snitches will save it.

Former trade advisor, conspiracy theorist, and the validator of “Trump’s intuition” Peter Navarro told Steve Bannon on his War Room show that he was the hero of January 6 — the guy who had the strategy to go up to Capitol Hill. He called Mike Pence the quarterback. He snitched without even realizing he was snitching by confessing that they had 100 people working on the team whose job it was to make sure Trump won in “battleground states.”

Kyle Rittenhouse was interviewed by Tucker Carlson and treated like a rock star. He told the murderer upon meeting him that they were big fans of his and then he shook the little shit’s hand.

Sean Hannity signed off at the end of his show last night with a surprise announcement that he was taking an impromptu vacation and would see them all after the new year. He will spend Christmas avoiding the spotlight as more of his texts come out. Snitchers are gonna snitch.

A judge has ruled that Fox can’t make Dominion Voting Systems drop their $1.6 billion defamation suit against them so this case will proceed like the others; Sidney Powell, Mike Lindell, and Rudy Giuliani. Joy to the world, Fox is getting sued for its part in trying to throw the 2020 election to Trump.

The members of the House have all gone home for Christmas and won’t be back until January 10 so no more jingle bills for 2021. The only members who will be working are the ones who never work. The Sedition Caucus will be very busy in Santa’s workshop shitting bricks, arranging them in a new world order and screwing that up too. It’s beginning to look a lot like diss-miss.

Little Dumber Boy Roger Stone is expected to take the fifth today.

The guy who authored the Insurrection for Dummies power point, retired Army colonel Phil Waldron, has been subpoenaed.

Former Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale has had his phone records subpoenaed. Let it show, let it show, let it show.

John Eastman is using a Christian crowdfunding site to raise money for his legal defense. ‘Tis the season!

O come all ye faithful! MAGAs will be arrested, indicted and jailed for YEARS for their involvement in trying to overturn the election and take down the US government. Today’s idiot is former Houston police captain Mark Aguirre. He has been indicted for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for running a guy off of the road a year ago after he rammed his truck with his SUV and pointed a gun at his head. He thought the guy was transporting 75,000 fraudulent ballots in his truck. The poor guy was just doing his job as an air conditioner repair guy. Mark Aquirre was a member of the Liberty Center for God and Country, a vigilante group who believed they were called upon to hunt people down who they thought were guilty of election fraud. He had been surveilling this poor air conditioner guy for 4 days. Have a brawly jolly Christmas, you stupid, stupid idiot.

The Senate is going to put off voting on Build Back Better to tackle voting rights. Mitch McConnell is calling it a power grab. That’s right. The People are going to grab their power back from the Republicans.

Mitch McConnell and the Republicans are dreaming of a white Christmas. That’s why they’re against voting rights.

The RNC is picking up the tab for Trump’s personal legal bills ($1.5 million,) for his lawsuits in New York. What else has the RNC paid for?

Republicans plotted to overturn the 2020 election before the polls even closed.

Silent plight, holy fright, all is calm…….

For now.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.