How Things Work

Fox News viewers are less informed than people who don’t watch any news at all. They have no idea how anything works but they think they do because Fox tells them that they do. They know everything.

Conspiracy theorists think that Joe Biden set Josh Duggar up because the Duggars are friends with the Huckabees. They want to take Sarah Huckabee Sanders down so she can’t be governor of Arkansas, the state where nobody has a clue what’s going on. That’s why it’s easy for Huckabees to be governor.

Shitty employers are bitching about nobody wanting to work anymore. People who think they know everything agree. The truth is nobody wants to work for shitty employers who pay shitty wages anymore. Those who are piling on the unemployed in a pandemic don’t care to be reminded that you can’t collect unemployment unless you’ve paid into the system. They know how it works. They know everything. People on unemployment are lazy and living it up, dependent on government because DEMOCRATS! The idea that a couple million people are kicking back and blowing off getting jobs in order to collect a few hundred bucks a month is absurd but that’s where we are. Get a job you lazy free loaders! Work work work!

Other countries sent their people a check every month during quarantine because they couldn’t work. Americans only got 2 stimulus checks in a year and everybody cashed them, even the ones who bitch about government handouts. They’re dumb and the Republicans want to keep them that way. That’s why there’s Fox News.

There has been a cyberattack of a major pipeline that transports millions of gallons of fuel from Texas to New Jersey, 45% of the gasoline needs for the region. This could be the largest successful cyberattack on oil infrastructure in the country’s history. It has been shut down indefinitely which will force gas prices to go up. Fox and the Republicans will blame Biden because the idiots who believe everything they tell them don’t know how anything works.

Republican Ken Buck of Colorado went on Fox News to bitch about conservative speech not being heard. He thinks the answer is breaking up big tech and government. “We need five Facebooks. We need seven Googles. We need nine Twitters.” He doesn’t know how Facebook, Google or Twitter works. Never uses them. And as far as conservative speech not being heard goes — he’s on Fox News. Conservatives have their own cable channel. The irony is lost on Fox viewers. Irony is always lost on Fox viewers. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

Josh Hawley got 20 interviews in one week to complain about being “cancelled” because he knows that everybody listening won’t get the irony. They don’t know how Republicans work.

While GQP leadership plots to get rid of Liz Cheney for calling them out for going against how things are supposed to work, Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene kicked off their America First tour at the Villages in South Florida to hundreds of white seniors. Matt Gaetz was given a hero’s welcome. Atta boy, Matt! Talk dirty to us! Marjorie spoke a different kind of dirty to them. She yelled out the capitalistic geriatric cry, long live the oil and coal industry! “We want the most beautiful earth in the whole world but do we want to destroy the oil and coal industry?” Senile old farts who can’t drive anymore but have gobs of oil stock cheered. They tried to do the wave but they don’t know how it works.

“Now we know what the movie Cocoon would have looked like if the director was taking shrooms.” — Steve Schmidt

There were at least 9 mass shootings over Mothers Day weekend. None of them made breaking news because mass shootings are a daily occurrence again. One took place in Colorado Springs at a birthday party — 7 dead including the shooter. Another one was at a hotel event in Phoenix. 8 people were shot and one died. Victims were between 18 and 22. This isn’t supposed to be how things work. It’s insane.

Liz Cheney’s male counterpart in the House, Republican Adam Kinzinger, went on Face the Nation and said that the GOP was the Titanic and Trump is running around trying to find women’s clothing to get the first boat out.

Republicans know how it works. They’re no longer the party of Lincoln and Reagan. They know it. They’re the party of Trump. They’re dressed in drag, sneaking Captain Trump out of the Bird Cage to outsmart the fake news in clothes Trump stole from some poor woman who was about to die a horrible death and they don’t care.

The iceberg didn’t go away, but the captain in drag did, and now the Republicans are trying to blame the Democrats. That’s how it works.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.