Impeached!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 19, 2019

Donald J. Trump has been impeached on both Article 1, Abuse of Power, and Article 2, Obstruction of Congress. When Speaker Nancy Pelosi was asked when she would send the articles over to the Senate for a trial, she wouldn’t say. She wants to be guaranteed that Mitch McConnell will insure a fair trial before she does. Boom.

Republicans: Impeachment is taking up too much time and preventing us from doing the people’s business. Um, there is a display in the Capitol of a huge stack of paper on a small table with a sign, “Bills Stuck in the Senate.” Moscow Mitch is keeping the Senate from voting on any of them.

Republicans: The Democrats are using impeachment as a political weapon. Um, Bill Clinton.

Republicans: The Democrats have been trying to impeach Trump for 3 years. Um, the Dems have only had the majority in the House for 11 months.

Republicans: The president committed no crimes. There is no proof. Um, he confessed on TV and Twitter.

Republicans: This is a partisan process. Um, Justin Amash got so disgusted with the Republican party that he left it and became an independent and voted to impeach. 4 Democrats voted not to impeach. Republicans are partisan.

Republicans: The Democrats wanted Hillary Clinton to win so they’re trying to nullify the election. Um, impeachment doesn’t nullify anything. Hillary Clinton doesn’t get to be president now.

Republicans: The Democrats have trampled the law. Um, wrong. You’re thinking of Trump.

Republicans: There was no abuse of power on behalf of the president. The Democrats are abusing power. Um, WHAT?

Republicans: Nothing came from the Mueller probe. Um, wrong. Read it and you’ll know.

Republicans: The Mueller investigation cost taxpayers millions. Um, wrong. It made money with all of the busts and more than paid for itself. It made money for the US Treasury.

Republicans: The Democrats rushed impeachment through and did it in secret. Um, no they didn’t and speaking of rushed through in secret, remember the tax bill that nobody benefits from except for the rich? That was rushed through in secret so fuck you.

Republicans made fools of themselves as usual with the same old talking points. The only thing that was new and different was Kevin Brady compared the Democrats to Joe McCarthy and said that the Trump haters of today will be viewed like “Red haters of the past.” Um, Joe McCarthy accused liberals of being communists, as in Russian. The Democrats are calling Republicans out for supporting Russia. Barry Loudermilk compared Trump to Jesus. He said Pontius Pilate let Jesus defend himself but the Democrats won’t let Trump defend himself. Um, the Democrats invited him on numerous ocassions to testify and defend himself. He said he would and then didn’t and he forbade anybody else from testifying either so no, Trump hasn’t been treated worse than Jesus by the Democrats.

While Trump was being impeached he had a White House staffer go around the Senate and deliver to each office a Christmas package consisting of a giant 16 x 12 White House Christmas card, a smaller card and a copy of the 6 page letter he sent Nancy Pelosi while he did a red faced MAGA rally in Battle Creek, Michigan (Justin Amash’s district.) He said horrible things about Michigan Democratic congresswoman Debbie Dingell to get back at her for betraying him by voting for impeachment after he gave her late husband, Congressman John Dingell “the A+” post-death treatment, not “the C or the D.” He said her husband was in Hell. The president of the United States attacked a grieving widow by telling a crowd of deranged supporters that a sitting congresswoman’s late husband, a former congressman, was in Hell.

After big mouth Freedom Caucus Republican Mark Meadows said you can’t impeach Trump because the economy is good then dutifully voted not to impeach, he announced he won’t run for re-election.

“The core of the Republican argument is that, as a Constitutional matter, there are no valid grounds for impeachment when the president is Republican” — Will Wilkinson

The Democrats’ message for the day: He gives us no choice. He is a clear and present danger to our elections and national security.

The Republicans’ message for the day: What Trump said.

Congressman Steny Hoyer said on the House floor, “Democrats did not choose this impeachment. We did not want this. We voted against it once. We voted against it twice, we voted against it three times as recently as July. Trump’s misconduct has forced our constitutional republic to protect itself.”

Trump brought this on himself.

Impeachment wouldn’t have happened if people hadn’t voted en masse in 2018 to elect Democrats. The Democrats rose to the occasion and did their duty. They protected and defended the Constitution.

Now it’s on to the Senate for a trial. Will Moscow Mitch keep people from testifying like he has kept members from voting on House bills or will Nancy and Mitch have a stand off until the State of the Union where Trump will treat his address like a MAGA rally and show himself to the entire country?

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.