Open Impeachment Hearing Day #4

Spike Dolomite
5 min readNov 21, 2019

EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland, the hotelier who bought his way into this mess by making a $1 millon donation to Trump’s slush fund (his inauguration) threw everybody under the bus and dragged them all down 5th Avenue — Senator Ron Johnson, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Vice President Mike Pence, Energy Secretary Rick Perry, Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, former National Security Advisor John Bolton, and Trump.

All of his orders came from Trump through Rudy. “Talk with Rudy……talk to Rudy,” he was told. Rudy doesn’t work for the US government. He’s Trump’s pro-bono attorney, a former New York mayor and US attorney who is under federal investigation and doesn’t have security clearance and he dictated foreign policy.

Sondland said Giuliani’s requests were indeed a quid pro quo and that Pompeo, Bolton and key National Security Council staff knew what the 3 amigos were doing. “EVERYONE WAS IN THE LOOP,” he told Congress.

Loopty loo! Heads rolled. People gasped. And the 3 jugheads, Nunes, the Republican counsel who wishes to remain anonymous, and Gym Jordan, kicked each other under the table. Now what now what now what now what now what?

All top officials in the Trump administration have been implicated. The entire Republican party is complicit. All roads lead to Russia. Everybody is corrupt and America is hanging by a thread. Only the Democrats can save us now.

Devin Nunes’ opening and closing remarks were the same as the last 4 hearings. Blah blah blah blah whistleblower blah blah blah blah Democrats blah blah blah conspiracy blah blah blah whistleblower blah blah blah hoax blah blah blah blah Burisma blah blah blah blah Democrats blah blah blah blah Democrats.

Since the Republicans have no defense they went with the age old riddle: If a tree falls in the woods and there is nobody around to see it is it still impeachable?

After Sondland was finished answering questions by the Democrats’ counsel, the 3 jugheads looked at each other like oh God Sondland just took a shit on the floor right in front of us! What do we do?!! Then they took a 10 minute break to hide in the bathroom and figure out how to clean it up. They returned to the hearing and Devin Nunes said blah blah blah blah Big Foot did it.

If Big Foot shits in the woods and the Republican Jugheads are there to see it did Hillary still do it?

Devin Nunes accused the Democrats of running an “Inquisition.” Wrong. That was Benghazi. He and Gym Jordan were so wigged out they sent the Democrats a letter saying they were going to subpoena the whistleblower and Hunter Biden. They can’t do that.

“It’s days like this I wish we had an attorney general and a department of justice.” — Adam Parkhomenko

“Successful real estate entrepreneur sees no reason to go to prison for unsuccessful real estate entrepreneur” — David Frum

“I’ve seen loops before. I’m partial to the one in Chicago. But I’ve never seen a loop like this.” — Dan Rather

“Thank God I didn’t sign up to drink every time Nunes says Burisma.” — Terry Hannan

“Pence is measuring the Oval Office drapes this morning” — Roland Scahill

Trump watched it on TV. He stood before a gaggle of reporters on the White House lawn, holding a stack of important official papers which turned out to be blank except for one page where he had written in big, bold letters with a black Sharpie — I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO TELL ZELENSKY TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES OF THE US.

After he read his notes, he hopped on Air Force One and tweeted like a mad man, then flew to Austin to tour a Texas plant that has been making Apple computers since 2013. That didn’t stop him from taking credit for it. “Today is a very special day,” he said for the cameras, as if he built it. Then he hopped back on Air Force One and tweeted: Today I opened a major Apple Manufacturing plant in Texas that will bring high paying jobs back to America. Today Nancy Pelosi closed Congress because she doesn’t care about American Workers!

Once the hearing was over Gordon Sondland high tailed it out of Dodged and took a plane straight to Brussels then Kenneth Starr went on Fox News and said impeachment is imminent and that the Republicans should go to the White House and tell Trump to resign.

Senator John Kennedy said the House impeachment process reminds him of Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings but “without the vagina hats.”

This morning Trump tweeted: The Republican Party, and me, had a GREAT day yesterday with respect to the phony Impeachment Hoax, & yet, when I got home to the White House & checked out the news coverage on much of television, you would have no idea they were reporting on the same event. FAKE & CORRUPT NEWS!

Next up — Fiona Hill. She is one of the nation’s top experts on Putin and his threat to western democracy. She doesn’t take any shit. If Big Foot or Gordon Sondland shit on the floor, in the woods, or all over the country, she’ll tell us.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.