Imposters
Proud Boy Dominic Pezzola, who was the first to breach the Capitol by smashing a window with a stolen police riot shield, was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He is the only Proud Boy who wasn’t convicted of the top charge of seditious conspiracy. Prosecutors asked for 20 years but the judge went easy on him and gave him only half of what he deserved. Before he was sentenced, he bawled like a baby and pretended to be remorseful, telling the judge that he was a changed man. A humbled man. He had given up politics. He promised he’d never do anything again that would land him in court. His wife called him a fucking idiot and she should know. She cancelled their cable because he’d get so drunk while watching Fox News and yell at the TV. After he put on a show for the judge he held up his fist and yelled, “Trump won!”
Trump has sold $12 million worth of merch with his mug shot on it. The Fulton County Sheriff Department owns the copyright. They should sue his reality TV star phony ass and use the money to fix the Fulton County Jail. It’s a shit hole. Don’t fix the cell they have reserved for Trump, though. The toilet in the presidential suite doesn’t flush and it’s made out of stainless steel, the antithesis of his golden throne in Trump Tower.
Matt Schlapp, the chair of the American Conservative Union, the far right wing organization that hosts CPAC, the largest conservative conference in the world, poses as the quintessential clean cut, straight Christian family man but is really into guys. He stands accused of making passes at three men, one of which is a staff member who is suing him for sexual battery. He hired a priest to perform an exorcism at CPAC headquarters after some employees quit.
Oprah and The Rock have pissed everybody off by posing as sincere fellow Americans asking people to give to a fund to help the victims of the fire on Maui. They tried looking somber and relatable but they failed. People who are having a hard time paying for rent and groceries are calling them out. How dare you ask us for money! Oprah is a billionaire and The Rock is a multimillionaire. They should be donating a lot of their own money and if they were cool like Dolly Parton, they’d do it humbly and keep their big celebrity mouths shut. Just donate the money. They won’t even miss it. Oprah owns a chunk of the island. If she wanted to do something cool she could donate it back to the people of Maui or at least open it up to people who lost their homes. The fund they want people to donate to is managed by the Entertainment Industry Foundation which is a foundation that celebrities donate to but is closed off to nonprofits that haven’t been blessed by a celebrity. Charities can’t compete for grants. Unlike most philanthropic agencies whose mission is to support nonprofits who are making the world a better place, EIF is top heavy with a lot of executives that make an average of $200,000 each. The president makes $458,000 plus gets plenty of Hollywood perks that don’t get reported. The CEO makes $351,000 plus perks. 13 executives get paid a total of $3,211,000 a year. 29 others make over $100,000. 69 lower level employees make an average $64,000. If you donate to Oprah’s Maui fund you’re probably paying for bloated celebrity salaries. Donate straight to Maui charities that are doing the good work right on the ground. Celebrity posers: KEEP OUT.
Nazis dressed in red t-shirts, black pants and black masks lined an overpass outside of Disney World in Florida carrying swastika flags and chanting “Jews will not replace us”! Tomorrow they will remove their masks, hide their swastikas, and go to their jobs where they will work alongside Black, brown, Jewish, and gay people, pretending like they’re not Nazis.
70,000 festival goers are stuck out in the middle of nowhere on top of a rained out ancient, extinct dried up lake 100 miles north of Reno. Burning Man started out as a small bonfire ritual on the beach of San Francisco in 1986. It was an underground event for bohemians. People collected drift wood and constructed an 8’ man that they burned as an act of “radical self expression.” After a few years, the event grew and it was relocated to the Nevada desert that happens every Labor Day. A temporary city is constructed every year based on fellowship. Attendants are responsible for their own survival for one week (bring your own shelter, food and water). They are also expected to bring something to share with other participants. Everything is free and no money can be exchanged. Temporary art installations and music make for great entertainment, on top of the performance art and the ingesting of a plentiful array of mood altering substances. Clothing is optional. On the last day, “the man” (an effigy that has grown to exceed 100 feet) is burned. People party day and night, a Dionysus festival of excess. Yuppies actually go and assume a different identity (lots of fake dreadlocks) every year and then return to their regular lives. Over the years the event has gotten more expensive and more trendy, attracting rich bio-tech executives from Silicon Valley and celebrities who don’t share. They bring their entourage in RVs with air conditioning and have chefs who do all the cooking. People spend anywhere from $575 to $10,000 for a week of “community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance.” The bohemians’ original vision has been taken over by yuppies. Burning Man has been gentrified. It’s an annual event for spiritual materialists to appropriate homelessness so they can get in touch with nature. Living outside in extreme weather is temporary and a choice for them. They’re tourists. When their extreme vacation is over, they drive back all hungover, covered in dust, to return to their nice comfortable homes where they will bitch about the homeless as if homelessness wasn’t an epidemic all over the country. Extreme weather is not temporary for them and they have nowhere to hide. Homelessness is no Burning Man.
This year, Burning Man traffic was backed up for a mile (there is one road in and one road out) because climate protesters were in the middle of the road saying the event trashes the natural environment and contributes to climate change by all of the gas emissions that tens of thousands of vehicles bring in, the generators that run constantly, needlessly burning all sorts of natural resources for entertainment, polluting the air and disrupting natural habitats. The protesters were right. Burners got rained out by climate change. People are literally stuck in the mud and can’t get out. They’re still partying, waiting for the playa to dry out so they can drive home, oblivious to what they and Burning Man have become.
Conspiracy theorist insurrectionist Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Info Wars show last night. Her new conspiracy theory is that the people who are trapped at Burning Man are part of the deep state. A flood has forced 75,000 people into one place to brainwash them on climate change. She believes that tornadoes and floods are sent by God to punish everybody for their mock sacrifice. Marjorie Taylor Greene is not a powerless fringe weirdo. She is one of the most powerful members in today’s Republican party. She’s for real and she wants to burn it all down.
