In for the Kill

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 8, 2020

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Republicans in Wisconsin took advantage of a pandemic to kill voter turnout by making people risk their lives to do it and they did, knowing that it might kill them. They stood in the rain for miles wearing masks because fuck Republicans. The speaker of the assembly told people it was perfectly safe to go out. He told people not to worry while standing in a parking garage wearing scrubs, gloves and a mask, PPE that hospitals can’t get but somehow he did.

Madison closed 26 polling places. 66 remained open. Milwaukee closed 175 polling places and only kept 5 open. Madison has 255,000 people. Milwaukee has 595,000 and 1/3 of them are black so there you go. Republicans won’t let colored killjoys take their killing power away.

Trump bragged about the long lines in Wisconsin. He claimed that he was killing it all day because of his endorsements.

Republicans consider the coronavirus to be a gift from Republican Jesus and they hope it sticks around through November so that an “act of God” will keep people from voting. Let the coronavirus do their voter suppression dirty work for them. In the meantime they’ll pop Trump’s Hydroxychloroquine and hope it doesn’t kill them.

They’ll do whatever it takes to keep people from voting by mail because it’s too convenient. If everybody could do it, more people would, especially poor people getting screwed by Republicans. Nobody wants to kill that idea more than Trump because he’ll lose for sure. He said, “Mail ballots are very dangerous for this country. The mail ballots are corrupt in my opinion.”

Trump voted by mail in 2018 and he and the Third Lady already voted in the Florida primary. By mail. When asked why he voted by mail he replied, “because I’m allowed to.”

Communities of color are getting hit by the coronavirus the hardest because when you’re poor you tend to have physical problems due to a lack of proper nutrition and health care. The black community is starting to see an uptick in coronavirus cases and deaths. In Louisiana, African Americans make up 32% of the population and account for 70% of coronavirus deaths, among them an 86-year-old woman and three of her sons.

A 33 year old staffer for the governor of Louisiana died from it.

Evangelical Christian pastor, Landon Spradlin, died from it too after going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. He called the media’s coverage of the virus “hysteria” and now he’s dead.

The official death tolls are questionable. Since the Republican government has lied about everything else so far it’s a good bet that they’re lying about how many have gotten sick and died too.

“The plan seems to be to not count the dead in Republican counties and not count the vote in Democratic ones.” Timothy Snyder

Trump fired the guy who is supposed to oversee the $2 trillion stimulus package because he’s going to steal it. So far, nobody has seen any of that promised money. Small businesses have no idea how to get any of it and nobody who is in charge of giving it knows how to give it. It’s a mess.

100 American Airlines flight attendants have tested positive for the coronavirus.

British Airways is temporarily suspending 36,000 employees — the majority of their cabin crew and ground staff.

Nearly a third of renters couldn’t pay rent for April. The coronavirus is showing the world that in America, most people can’t afford to go without a single paycheck. More and more people are living paycheck to paycheck. Food banks are overwhelmed. People who have always believed that capitalism was the way to go are finding out that it doesn’t really work for them. Republicans have always known this and now their secret is out. That’s why they don’t want people to vote.

The NRA has laid off 60 people! That’s the only job loss that Americans can rejoice in.

The World Health Organization has warned of an “infodemic” (fake news — conspiracy theories, outright lies and propaganda that erode public trust and undermine health officials.) Trump retaliated by cutting them off. He is halting funds to the WHO during a pandemic while people are dying and the worst is still yet to come.

“Over 2,000 Americans killed by the virus today, highest one day total, and Donald Trump spent over an hour today talking about himself, attacking governors who don’t appreciate him, calling the media unpatriotic, and blaming the World Health Org for the virus.” — Joe Walsh

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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