Iran Deal

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 3, 2020

Trump directed an assassination of top Iran military commander Qassem Suleimani along with 9 others WITHOUT CONGRESS. He did it from his golf course. He’s going to start a war.

Iran has called for revenge. Iran’s supreme leader says, “a harsh retaliation is waiting.” Tens of thousands are pouring into the streets of Tehran to condemn the US.

The State Department issued this warning to Americans in the region: Due to heightened tensions in Iraq and the region, we urge US citizens to depart Iraq immediately. Due to Iranian backed militia attacks at the US Embassy compound, all consular operations are suspended. US citizens should not approach the Embassy.

“Today’s a day when the most untruthful administration in US history will wish its statements could be believed” — David Frum

Trump tweeted from his iPhone this morning: Iran never won a war, but never lost a negotiation!

Since Trump got rid of top officials in the state and national security departments who could advise him what to do and fired military leaders, he’s winging it and doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing.

The Gang of Eight was not briefed but God only knows who he told at the buffet line at Mar-a-Lago.

Bleeding Gums Eric knew about it a few days ago and tweeted that the US was ‘bout to open a big ol’ can of whoop ass.’

This must be why Pompeo cancelled his trip to Ukraine. He wanted to be in Washington so he could play holy war. Whatever Pompeo says today, nobody will believe him because just 4 months ago he tried to bullshit the country about his involvement with Trump shaking down Ukraine when the truth was he was on the infamous call.

John Bolton is excited. He put out a congratulatory tweet.

Lindsey Graham is excited, too. He got briefed while he was golfing with Trump at Mar-a-Lago — “We need to get ready for a major pushback. Our people in Iraq and the Middle East are going to be targeted. We need to be ready to defend our people in the Middle East. I think we need to be ready for a big counterpunch.”

Guns, grits and gravy Abner, former gov’ner Mike Huckabee, is making bad jokes. He says the left has its britches in a bunch and is siding with Iran. All the Abners laughed. Hee haw! Pass the gravy.

“Don’t worry, Jared and Ivanka are all over this.” — some guy on Twitter

The president of Iraq is condemning the US.

The French Minister of State for Europe and Foreign affairs issued a statement, “Today we wake up to a more dangerous world.”

China and Russia are condemning the killing. Russia’s Foreign Ministry called the decision foolhardy and sent his condolences to the Iranian people.

Richard Haass, president of the Council on Foreign Relations, warns that the war that will come about as a result of this will not be a centralized campaign like the Gulf War or Iraq, it will be fought throughout the entire region. It’s going to be anything goes and the entire world could be the battlefield. Iran will have more influence in the region, Iraq will throw the US out, and terrorism around the world will increase.

If we’re attacked, who will come to our aid? Trump has alienated all of our allies.

“We need to presume we are now in a state of war with Iran… and that is not something that the Trump administration appears to have been prepared for.” — Brett McGurk, former special envoy to coalition to defeat ISIS

“To everyone on Twitter asking if there’s a plan for what comes next: the President of the United States has a 3-minute attention span, zero ability to regulate emotions, can’t find Iran on a map, and is currently tweeting low-res American flag graphics. Of course there’s no plan.” — Leah Frances Greenberg

The Iran Deal that Trump pulled us out of resulted in Iran resuming its nuclear program.

This isn’t just a national security crisis. This is international.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.