Jesus in My Toast
Rise and tweet, America! It’s Sunday morning and you know what that means! Church! Hypocrites will fill the pews to listen to messages of hate, who and what to vote for in the primaries and how much they should give when that collection plate gets passed their way. We’re watching! Others will stay home and see Jesus in their toast.
Speaking of pews, when Pew Research Center asked Americans if we had a responsibility as a country to accept refugees, no group was less supportive of that idea than white evangelicals.
In another research project, Pew discovered that Christians are dumber than everybody else. The Americans with college degrees are: Hindus 96%, Jews 75%, Muslims 54%, Buddhists 53%, people who aren’t religious 44%, Christians 36%.
Matt Powell is a 22 year old YouTube Christian preacher who thinks that homosexuality is a “criminal crime” because it says so in the Bible. When asked if gays should be stoned to death, he said no, they should be executed humanely.
Pastor William E. “Tim” Smith, Jr. of the Church of God International in Palmer, Tennessee was arrested after cops found him with his pants down trying to have sex with a 12 year old girl in his car. He was driving her home from a church related event.
A Kentucky bill to outlaw child marriage has been blocked by Republicans. Kentucky and Tennessee are married cousins. Kentucky lays on top of Tennessee on the American map.
Republican hypocrite fund fact: Tracy Bost is married to Mike Bost, a Republican congressman from Illinois. During a monthly prayer call for Intercessors for America, a group of self righteous hypocrites who campaign for “Godly candidates,” Tracy told everybody that her project of sending the president daily cards with scripture written on them is working! She has been collecting messages written on recipe cards in kitchens by proper Christian wives and mothers, and from children from Sunday school classes. She then gives them to her husband who, in turn, passes them on to the president. So far she has sent over 1000 cards! Sometimes three in one day! And he reads them! They’re working! God is working through him and blessing our country! We’re saved!
Evangelical women are cool with Trump humping a porn star because God forgave him so they should too. If their husbands hump a porn star then they should forgive them, too. Right? It’s right there in the Republican Bible!
The President of the United States has introduced America to a porn star. Millions of people who don’t watch porn know who Stormy Daniels is now. Stormy Daniels is a household name. Married couples are buttering their toast on Sunday mornings, talking about what Stormy Daniels said during the week.
Christians are oppressed in America? Where in the earthly world did they get such an idea? It couldn’t be that Republicans have been telling them that for nearly 40 years, could it? They created that spin to control the conversation on religion and politics way back when the Republican who never went to church, Ronald Reagan, was president. Look!! Ronald Reagan is in your toast! This political strategy has inadvertently persecuted the real Christians because political evangelicals are so awful that people are writing the whole religion off altogether. Oppressed? Hell no.
The fake Christian president is taking medicine out of the mouths of babies — Trump is taking back $7 million in unspent funds tagged for CHIP (Children’s Health Insurance Program) because fuck those kids. Get a job.
Republicans have used and abused religion and Democrats have tried to stay away from it because, you know — SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.
It’s Sunday morning in America. Mike Pence is on his knees. Hypocritical evangelicals are singing hallelujah and hating on the gays, laying hands on 12 year old girls, praying for the president, and getting drunk and going to strip clubs, while the Sunday morning news shows ask their Republican guests for comment. They won’t be asking many Democrats for comment because they don’t invite many Democrats on their shows.
Sunday mornings are for Republicans.
Lordy I hope there is Jesus in my toast.
