Juneteenth

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJun 19, 2020

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It’s Juneteenth, Emancipation Day, the day the remaining slaves of the former confederate states were finally set free in 1865. Most white people are just learning about it because it was never taught to them in school. Black congress members Cory Booker and Kamala Harris are working to change that by having Juneteenth declared a national holiday. It’s been 155 years. Descendants of slaves deserve their own holiday and kids need to start learning about slavery and black oppression in school.

Trump is bragging that he made Juneteenth very famous.

The portraits of the 4 confederate speakers have been taken down in the Capitol.

One of the highest ranking black women in the Trump administration, Mary Elizabeth Taylor, resigned because Trump is a fucking racist.

The courthouse in Louisville, Kentucky, has been boarded up and staffers have been told to leave the building because the attorney general will be announcing his decision on whether or not to charge the 3 cops that killed Breonna Taylor soon. They busted into her apartment on March 13 and shot her 8 times while she was asleep. They meant to shoot somebody else 10 miles away. The 3 cops were not fired, just reassigned.

Wild birds are sick of the police’s shit too. An owl made a cop crash in Louisiana after it flew into his patrol car and started pecking him.

Don Junior and Senior put a livestream interview together so Junior could interview Senior to create more propaganda using a new media style — the intimate, father and son interview by two guys who don’t give a shit about each other, the country, or anybody else.

After the Supreme Court shot Trump down on DACA he tweeted that the court doesn’t like him.

Trump said people who wear face masks do it to show everybody that they are anti-Trump. Proudly not wearing a mask is a cult loyalty test and very short sighted because Trump needs those idiots to live so they can vote for him in November.

Ted Cruz is seizing every opportunity to comment about anything right now so he can get some face time with Trump on TV.

Trump held a roundtable with small business owners and blew them off while they shared their stories by scrolling through his phone.

At a White House event for governors Kayleigh McEnany said to Trump, “You’re the jobs president.” More people are unemployed now than were during the Great Depression.

“We are nearing 120,000 dead Americans with no end in sight from a pandemic he made worse with shitty management and science denial and this dumb motherfucker is tweeting silly doctored videos. Every single person propping this monster up can go straight to hell.” — Adam Parkhomenko

Trump’s rally is in Tulsa tomorrow. The city is imposing a curfew tonight to prevent violent protesting. It isn’t known yet if the white people who will want to camp out all night to secure a good spot will be exempt from the curfew but if they are, that will be bad optics for Tulsa but great optics for Trump. MAGAs rule!

Trump is celebrating Juneteenth by threatening protesters on Twitter: Any protesters, anarchists, agitators, looters or lowlifes who are going to Oklahoma please understand, you will not be treated like you have been in New York, Seattle, or Minneapolis. It will be a much different scene!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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