Just Another Day in Trump’s America

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 14, 2020

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Bill Barr went on TV to do a reality TV interview with ABC to say that Trump’s tweets make it harder for him to do his job and that he won’t be bullied or influenced by anybody. Nobody believed him. Everybody knows it was just a scripted made for TV moment to make it look like Barr doesn’t work for Trump.

Trump tweeted hours after Barr’s televised performance: “The President has never asked me to do anything in a criminal case.” A.G. Barr This doesn’t mean that I do not have, as President, the legal right to do so, I do, but I have so far chosen not to!

Bill Barr is making it possible for Trump to use the DOJ to punish his enemies and reward his loyalists. He protected Trump by spinning the Mueller Report ahead of its release to influence public opinion and succeeded. He interfered with his own justice department to recommend that Trump’s buddy get a light jail sentence. He inserted himself into the Southern District of New York’s Trump cases about hush money and illegal campaign donations. Morale within the justice department is at an all time low. More prosecutors are resigning in protest. Like Mike Pompeo not having the backs of members of the State Department, Bill Barr doesn’t have the backs of anybody in the DOJ, just DJT. He’s the Trump crime family attorney.

Trump committed another quid pro quo right in our faces. He is trying to shake down the state of New York so the AG there will stop investigations into him on tax fraud, pursuing his tax returns and investigating his businesses. He tweeted: I’m seeing Governor Cuomo today at The White House. He must understand that National Security far exceeds politics. New York must stop all of its unnecessary lawsuits & harrassment, start cleaning itself up, and lowering taxes. Build relationships, but don’t bring Fredo!

The New York AG tweeted back: When you stop violating the rights and liberties of all New Yorkers, we will stand down. Until then, we have a duty and responsibility to defend the Constitution and the rule of law. BTW, I file the lawsuits, not the Governor.

Feeling all powerful and untouchable after the Republicans crowned him king, Trump admitted that he sure did send Rudy to Ukraine to find damaging information about his political opponents after he lied about it and said he didn’t and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. I. AM. THE. KING.

Former communications director Hope Hicks is returning to the White House to be an aide to Jared Kushner because she’s good at keeping secrets plus she is un-hirable at the age of 32 now that she has worked for the fat bastard. Sean Spicer and Rience Preibus are coming back, too. Trump has run through everybody who is stupid, blindly ambitious and incompetent enough to work for him and now he has to resort to re-hiring the boobs who he fired in the first season of his reality TV president show.

Trump says he’s going to bar all officials from listening to his phone calls with foreign leaders because he’s the boss so he can do whatever he wants. The Republicans said so.

Today marks the 2 year anniversary shooting of Parkland and not a damn thing has been done to keep the public safer from out of control gun violence because the Republicans said so.

In other news, Tucker Carlson revealed the Twitter handle of the jury foreman in the Roger Stone case who defended the prosecutors, ex-con American televangelist Jim Bakker is selling a liquid that will kill the coronavirus for $300, Medal of Freedom recipient, Rush Limbaugh, said Mr. Man Donald Trump will “have fun” with Pete Buttigieg because he kisses his husband, the Florida Bar is investigating Republican Congressman frat boy Trump ass kisser Matt Gaetz, Sean Spicer will record a Valentines video for you for $199, and a new bill could finally make it legal for unmarried people to have sex in Virginia.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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