Just Another Day in Trump’s America

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 28, 2019

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Bill Barr has booked a $30,000 holiday party at his boss’s DC hotel.

Trump has ordered hundreds of miles of border wall built by November 2020. “TAKE THE LAND” he told his lackeys. If they got into any legal trouble for doing it, he promised he would pardon them.

Extrajudicial private land grab threats by a mad king in the United States of America in 2019 and the Republicans are SILENT.

Trump thinks he’s going to take Texas ranchers’ property away. He’s going to mess with “Don’t Mess with Texas.” That’s not going to play well on his reality TV president show — ranchers taking the government on on live TV won’t be good for ratings.

Speaking of reality TV and government, former MTV “The Real World” cast member, Republican Wisconsin Congressman Sean Duffy, is retiring to spend more time with his family. His wife was on the “Real World” too but now she’s a talking head on Fox News. For real. His 9th kid will be born with a hole in her heart, a condition that would have kept her from being insurable on the day she was born before the Affordable Care Act was enacted. He will rely on protections for pre-existing conditions in the ACA to care for his child. The very protections he voted to take away. He thanks God for this, not Obama.

Alabama Republicans passed a resolution calling for Ilhan Omar to be expelled from Congress. ALABAMA. Sit down old white man hypocritical farts. Nobody gives a shit what you resolve.

Alabama Republican hypocrite fun fact — Alabama is ranked at the bottom for education, health, employment and quality of life.They have also had governors resign or get impeached amidst corruption and scandal and were arrested, a Speaker of the House who was convicted of 12 felony ethics violations, and a candidate for the US Senate who was an accused child molester. Let’s not forget that Alabama is the state with the most atrocities committed against black people (tied with Mississippi.)

The Trump regime has ordered, by letter, 20 severely ill immigrants in Boston, including children with cancer and cystic fibrosis who have been receiving life saving treatment in the US to leave the country within 32 days or be deported. If that happens, they will surely die. They were granted “medical deferred action,” a special status that allows immigrants to remain in the country legally so they could receive Medicaid and work while they receive treatment for dire health conditions. Thousands more across the country are going to get the same letter.

17 year old Ismail Ajjawi, went from a Palestinian refugee camp to top of his class in Lebanon to getting offered a free ride at Harvard — only to be denied access to the US last week by the Trump administration for doing what 70% of Americans do every day — criticize or sympathize with people who criticize the American government on social media.

66 year old Julita Bartolome, a pastor’s wife in Chicago, has been deported by ICE. She came here 30 years ago from the Philippines.

2 children were left alone without either parent in the home for 8 days after the Mississippi ICE raid at the chicken processing plant.

Trump has been telling his followers that 2 or 3 border agents must contend with the arrival of hundreds and hundreds of people and they’re not allowed to shoot them. “Other countries do. We can’t. I would never do that. But how do you stop these people?”

Trump wants to hold migrants in detention centers indefinitely now.

“Trump is like an excruciatingly painful toothache throbbing endlessly in your skull that you would do virtually ANYTHING to alleviate. I’m at the point now where I would rip that fucker out with a pair of rusty needle nose pliers and be done with it.” — David Rush

Deutsche Bank was forced by a judge to admit that it has Trump’s taxes. As expected, Trump didn’t pay much in taxes. The co-signers for his loans are Russian oligarchs.

Just another day in America.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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