Just Do It

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 4, 2018

Nike just announced that they have chosen Colin Kaepernick as the face of their 30th anniversary “Just Do It” campaign. They have been paying him all along and were waiting for the right moment to announce it. The moment is now. To protest, MAGAs burned their own shoes and cut the Nike logos off of their clothes. They did it. They own the libs. Now they don’t have any shoes and their clothes are all cut up. Way to go, MAGAs. Do it again!

Major corporations pay big bucks on extensive market research before they introduce new products or select celebrities for their ads. Nike picking Kaepernick means they’re not worried about the MAGA demographic because MAGAs buy first and boycott later. You’ve really done it this time, MAGAs. Nike sells underwear, too. Set your pants on fire, MAGAs. Just do it. Come on! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson said Nike picking Kaepernick is an attack on the country.

Florida’s red tides have become the symbol of the Republican party — toxic sludge killing off living things, pooling up in pristine waters and stinking up the air, and poising people who live near it. The only thing that can save Florida now is fresh air and cooler temperatures which means they better elect Democrats. Florida needs a blue wave to wash out those red tides. Only the Democrats can save Florida now. Come on voters, just do it!

Trump did it again. He blasted Jeff Sessions on Twitter for indicting two Republicans, Duncan Hunter and Chris Collins (Trump’s first supporters,) which begs the question…..Did the President of the United States suggest that two indictments be dropped BECAUSE THEY ARE REPUBLICANS? Is he insinuating that the Attorney General is trying to sabotage the election? Did he really just do that?

“Two long running, Obama era, investigations of two very popular Republican Congressmen were brought to a well publicized charge, just ahead of the Mid-Terms, by the Jeff Sessions Justice Department. Two easy wins now in doubt because there is not enough time. Good job Jeff……”

If democracy was functioning better, this tweet would be subject to forced resignation, but……Republicans. They won’t do it.

The first Brett Kavanaugh hearing is today. He is very unpopular with the public, particularly with women (liberal and conservative) because he’ll make abortion illegal (Republicans get abortions too.) He tried to use his power to stop the abortion of a teen aged undocumented immigrant living in a shelter by dragging the case along for as long as he could so it would be too late for her to get it. The ACLU intervened so the teenager wasn’t forced to give birth. His views on abortion are clear — he’s against it. The public and the Democrats don’t want him confirmed.

Republicans don’t care. They’re going to do confirm Kavanaugh whether people like it or not, or if it’s legal or not. Brett Kavanaugh may have lied under oath to get confirmed to the federal bench. The Democrats need to ask him about that again, under oath. Do it.

“What if the Democrats just read Trump’s tweets to Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearing and asked Kavanaugh to make reasoned legal responses upholding or refuting them.” — Amanda Carpenter

The Republicans dumped 42,000 Kavanaugh documents on the Democrats last night, hours before the hearing. You asked for it! There! You got it! Read them! Just do it!

An ABC poll says that only 38% of the public wants Kavanaugh confirmed, the worst poll in over 30 years. White House counsel Harriet Miers was more popular than Kavanaugh and she withdrew her nomination to replace Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court.

Brett Kavanaugh, just do it. Withdraw your nomination.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Campaign finance records from 1990 show that Mike Pence had been using his campaign fund to pay his mortgage, credit card bills, groceries, golf tournament fees and car payments for his wife.

Ivanka tweeted a special massage in honor of Labor Day that has nothing to do with Labor Day: “Today, on #LaborDay, let’s also recognize the amazing stay-at-home parents across America, who seldom receive the credit they deserve for the invaluable work that they do, as they nurture and raise the next generation of American workers! Thank you.” Google the history of Labor Day, Ivanka. Just do it.

Steve Bannon was disinvited from the New Yorker’s idea festival because people with the best ideas said they won’t go if Steve Bannon is there. The New Yorker should invite Colin Kaepernick to take his place. Come on New Yorker, just do it!

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.