Just Say Gnome
Attorney General Jeff Sessions made a speech to a room full of law enforcement officials. He said he jumps out of bed every morning ready to make the justice department a little bit more fair and impartial. Like a gnome on the FBI’s front lawn, he’s there to bring good luck. Women in the room broke out into song, “You don’t gnome me.”
Speaking of luck, the Republicans are going to need it. Their desperate attempt to destroy the FBI is backfiring like a blown GOP head gasket. Stick a banana up your tail pipe and forget about it you guys. You’re embarrassing yourselves. Even people who don’t care are going, WTF?
Sarah Wannabe Sanders says people don’t care about any of this. #onewhodoes
The trolls challenged the gnome to a duel on Twitter. The gnome chickened out and didn’t show. When asked why, he said, “I don’t recall.”
Sean Hannity’s Twitter account was deactivated for a few hours. Was it the Secret Society? A rogue Twitter employee? Or did Sean do it because the internet trolls hurt his feelings? Trolls really hate shit goblins.
Trump stuck to the script in Davos, even though he sniffed all the way through it prompting whispers, “Is that 71 year old fat man a coke head?” He didn’t deviate from the teleprompter, except when he went off on the fake news. For that, he got booed. He got booed by the richest people in the world! His handlers got him off the stage in a flash and on to Air Force One as fast as possible so he wouldn’t get a chance to talk to anybody. The richest people in the world breathed a sigh of relief and then laughed behind his big butt back.
While in Davos, Trump praised Paul Kagame, President of Rwanda, after calling his country a shithole. Kagame asked him to apologize. He didn’t. The media asked him to comment. He wouldn’t.
Swiss protesters hung a 200’ banner on the side of a mountain that read, “Trump Not Welcome” hoping he’d see it as he flew over. Trump’s racism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, sexism, hostility towards women, warfare, denial of climate change, attacks on human rights and a policy that deepens poverty and inequality, have not gone unnoticed by the rest of the world. They think he is a pig, too.
“Power accompanied by arrogance is very dangerous. It is particularly dangerous when men with no real experience have it, for they can abuse our great institutions” — George H. W. Bush
Political sex gossip: There is a rumor going around that Nikki Haley and Trump are having an affair. Nikki says that’s disgusting. The rumor, not Trump.
Las Vegas casino, hotel magnate, RNC Finance Chair, and Trump’s billionaire buddy, Steve Wynn, is in trouble now for making female employees have sex with him. He’s really gross.
The US is no longer the second most popular destination for foreign travel. Tourism has dropped 4% since Trump, costing us $4.6 billion and 40,000 jobs. People don’t want to come here because our president is a pig.
ICE is trying to deport 92 Cambodians, many of whom came to the U.S. in the 1970s as small children to escape the brutal Khmer Rouge regime. The ACLU is fighting it. Send them money.
A small town in Washington had always voted blue but voted for Trump this time. They regret it. ICE has destroyed their little community. Friends at school? Gone. Friends at church? Gone. Excellent employees? Gone. Neighbors? Gone.
ICE has detained or deported several prominent immigrant activists across the country, begging the question — is the Trump administration targeting political opponents?
Melania Trump and her sister, Ines, moved to the US in the 1990s to pursue careers in modeling and fashion. Their parents followed soon after. Is that chain migration or is chain migration only for brown people?
Republican hypocrites fun fact: Here is a list of sitting white male Senators and the number of years that they have been making laws that benefit rich white men. They voted to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about getting a blow job in the Oval Office. So far, none of them have a problem with a Russian agent sitting in the Oval Office: Thad Cochran of Mississippi (40 years) in the Senate Mike Crapo of Idaho (19 years,) Mike Enzi of Wyoming (21 years,) Chuck Grassley of Iowa (37 years,) Orrin Hatch of Utah (41 years,) Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma (24 years,) John McCain of Arizona (31 years,) Mitch McConnell of Kentucky (33 years,) and Pat Roberts of Kansas (21 years.)
The same people who thought Obama was a Muslim think Trump is a Christian.
Like the white hoods of yesteryear, the red MAGA hats will be a symbol of hatred, bigotry and violence. Kids who discover the MAGA hat in Grandpa’s attic will freak out when they learn their grandfather was a Trump troll!
As for the descendants of Jeff Sessions, time will tell what they’ll do about the red cap. It won’t be hidden in any attic.