Kicking it Down the Road

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 16, 2020


While Trump yammered on and on at his daily Reality TV President show press event, he was distracted by truckers out on the street who were honking their horns. Naturally, he thought they were there for him and that they were there in celebration of him. Nope. They were there protesting, calling him out for calling them heroes but not doing anything to help them. He got so mad and flustered he cut his remarks short and stomped off.

He cheered up after he got to get his picture taken with the new Space Force flag in the Oval Office. He got excited about the new “super duper missile” that travels 17 times faster than current missiles. Look at me! Look at me! I invented super duper missles AND Space Force!

The normal legislative session was cancelled in Michigan because of more armed protests and death threats.

Trump is at Camp David this weekend. He brought the most vile of the vile GOP to strategize what to do next to make Trump look good. They are: Kevin McCarthy, Mark Meadows, Dan Crenshaw, Matt Gaetz, Devin Nunes, Gym Jordan, Elise Stefanik, and Lee Zeldin. It’s not known if they’re all Trump picks or the only Republicans that would say they would go.

Trump’s new press secretary, What’s Her Face formerly of Fox News, held up 2 binders and told reporters that they were Trump’s pandemic manual. When a reporter asked, “How come on January 2020, the stockpile was as low as it was on supplies like face masks and N95s?” she answered, “It’s a really important question. Perhaps I should redirect your question to President Obama who left the stockpile empty.”

Um, Trump had been president for 3 years when the pandemic hit. Obama left a 69 page playbook that was developed in 2016 to guide the next president on what to do in the event of a high consequence disease threat. Trump blew it off.

The Lancet is one of the world’s oldest and most esteemed medical journals and it’s calling for the removal of Donald Trump from office due to his “inconsistent and incoherent national response” to the coronavirus pandemic. Republicans weren’t available to comment (the ones who always comment can’t because right now they are kissing Trump’s ass at Camp David.)

Latest coronavirus infection count: 1,484,285. Deaths: 88,507.

Trump has hired his own data collection service to give a new official count of virus infections and deaths because he doesn’t like the official count that the CDC has put out.

The King of the Ventilators is bragging about donating ventilators to India. Meanwhile, nurses and doctors in America don’t have PPE.

At a vaccine event Trump told everybody that the coronavirus will go away without a vaccine.

Trump fired another inspector general, State Department IG Steve Linick. Mike Pompeo suggested it because Linick had been looking into Mike Pompeo improperly asking an employee to serve as a personal assistant for him and his wife. Trump thought it was a good idea because Linick shared documents with impeachment investigators in the Ukraine probe so he deserves it. Soon there will be no independent government watchdogs and Trump will be all powerful.

Senator Richard Burr stepped down as Senate Intelligence Chair. Before he goes, he has asked that their final report on Trump and Russia be declassified.

If the FBI investigates Richard Burr for illegal sale of stock and doesn’t investigate Kelly Loeffler for doing the exact same thing, that means that Trump had Burr replaced as chair as punishment for not protecting Trump.

The House passed a $3 trillion COVID-19 relief bill that helps state and local governments, provides hazard pay for frontline health care workers, forgives student debt, and bolsters Medicaid and Medicare. Watch the Senate shred it because it doesn’t do anything for the rich.

“Trump is using the pandemic as cover for firing the watchdogs, using the Justice Department to go after his political enemies and using the IC to attack his political opponent. Democracy is dying in front of us. We have one last chance to save it in November.” — Neera Tanden

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.