King Dumb

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJun 23, 2022

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All aboard for Texas!

The DOJ delivered subpoenas to people who were involved in the fake electoral scam in Georgia, Virginia, Michigan, and Pennsylvania.

Republicans in Michigan are being investigated for tampering with voting machines and using fake signatures.

The Trump family had hired a documentarian, British filmmaker Alex Holder, to follow them film them from September through the inauguration. He shot 11 hours of interviews with Trump, Ivanka, Junior, and Eric. He handed over what he’s got and is cooperating with the Select Committee.

The Select Committee has received so many new tips and evidence since doing the televised hearings that it has decided to halt public hearings for a few weeks to sort through everything. They need more time to go through all of the new information they have.

The National Archives has new evidence too. They have their own investigators.

Select Committee members have received more violent threats so they have been assigned extra security detail.

Kevin McCarthy told GOP donors and allies not to watch the televised hearings and just focus on other issues (inflation, gas prices, the border and Stephen Colbert inciting an insurrection by sending a production crew into the Capitol and staying past 8 p.m. so Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, a puppet, could interview politicians in the halls — outrageous!) Now McCarthy is in the dog house with Putin’s puppet. Trump is mad at him for not protecting him with more Republicans on the Select Committee to “represent” him.

Since there aren’t any Trumplicans on the Select Committee because Kevin McCarthy wouldn’t agree to a bipartisan commission because Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t let Jim Jordan be on it, they have nobody on the inside to alert them about what the committee has on Trump and GOP members. They don’t have Jim Jordan to make a scene everyday for the cameras to create chaos, either. What they have is a serious, intelligent, thoughtful, competent, patriotic bi-partisan committee that has done an outstanding job of getting to the truth and communicating what they’ve found.

“The real ‘miracle’ of the Jan. 6 hearings? Republicans and Democrats working together.” — Los Angeles Times

As more and more evidence is made public about Trump’s attempt to overthrow the government, the Texas GOP adopted a resolution that rejected Joe Biden as the winner of the 2020 election. The Republican party in Texas is united in it’s support of the coup attempt.

Mark Mazza pleaded guilty to carrying a loaded firearm on to Capitol grounds and assaulting police officers with one of their own batons during the insurrection. He could go to jail for 25 years. He also admitted that he would have killed Nancy Pelosi if he had had the chance.

The Uvalde police chief has been put on administrative leave. Turns out the door the cops stood outside of for 45 minutes while they waited for the key and listened to little kids being shot wasn’t locked after all.

Uvalde teacher, Eva Mireles, was one of the teachers who got shot. She called her husband, a cop, to say she was dying. When he rushed to save her, the cops detained him, took his gun taken away, and escorted him away.

Robb Elementary School will be demolished over the summer. That’s good for the victims but given that local and state officials have been covering for the cops, it could be seen as destroying evidence.

Texas Republican, Congressman Pat Fallon blames mass shootings on the “overuse of these dang smartphones.”

Let the Republicans and Trump have Texas. All of the MAGAs and Trumplicans can move there with their guns and Republican Jesus. Secede from the union and demolish all of the schools. Let all of the cool people out and then build Trump’s wall all around the state. He can be their king.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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