Koo Koo Koo Coup Roo

Spike Dolomite
5 min readJun 26, 2023

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Jack Smith is focused on fake electors now that he’s got the Mar-a-Lago case in the can (he filed a motion to move the trial date to December 11, 2023 so defense counsel can get the necessary security clearances). He got Mike Roman, the head of the fake electors scheme from inside the White House, to cooperate.

Mike Roman was the “Special Assistant to the President” in the White House from 2017 to 2018 and then he started working on the Trump re-election campaign in 2019. He appeared before the January 6 Select Committee but wasn’t cooperative. He took the fifth when asked if he interacted with Rudy Giuliani, Jenna Ellis, Sidney Powell, Trump, John Eastman, Christina Bobb, Boris Epshteyn, Bernie Kerik, election officials, Department of Homeland Security, and the Department of Justice. He took the fifth when confronted with an email he sent from his official account as EDO director where the first sentence read, “Election fraud is real” and then went on to accuse the Democrats of plotting to steal the election. He took the fifth when asked about interactions with state senator Doug Mastriano (Mike Roman and Doug Mastriano are both from Pennsylvania — Mastriano was a state senator who ran for governor and was at the insurrection). He took the fifth when asked about his level of involvement in calling state reps in battle ground states to organize fake electors. He took the fifth when asked if he was involved in discussions about imposing martial law. When asked, “Is it accurate that Mr. Giuliani designated you as the lead for executing the voting by alternate electors in advance of December 14th in the meeting of the electoral college?” he replied, “The fifth.”

The list of people who have betrayed Trump got longer now that DOJ has given him transcripts of those who testified about classified documents. Kevin McCarthy doesn’t want to be on that list so he is supporting expunging both of Trump’s impeachments.

Nikki Haley thinks Trump should be pardoned. She invoked white supremacist nostalgia, inviting voters to long for the time that never was, so they’ll vote for her and other Republicans who promise to “make America great again” (aka make America white again). This mythical golden time in American history only existed on TV right after TV was invented. Ahhhhh, the good old days. Nikki tweeted, “Do you remember when you were growing up, do you remember how simple life was, how easy it felt? It was about faith, family, and country. We can have that again, but to do that, we must vote Joe Biden out.” Haley was born in 1972. She grew up during Vietnam, Watergate, environmental disasters, economic recessions, women’s liberation, mass incarceration and growing inequality. The good old days never existed but Republicans have been running on them for decades.

Trump hosted an event for the families of MAGAs who are in jail for January 6.

A Republican state representative in Wisconsin, Chuck Wichgers, is not only against abortion, he’s against women using birth control. He said that contraception leads to infidelity, men devaluing women, women thinking they’re better than nature and the “proliferation of STDs.”

California is expediting the licensing process for nurses willing to perform abortions so that women who are trapped in states where white men are making laws to control the number of babies she has can come and get the care she needs.

California hasn’t always been so progressive. It elected Ronald Reagan for governor, TWICE! He was governor from 1967 until 1975. California voters approved Proposition 8, a state ballot initiative in 2008 that added a new section to the state Constitution which provided that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” Voters were tricked into voting no on gay couples being allowed to marry. Ballot double talk. On this date, June 26, 2015 the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples had the right to marry.

Also on this day in 1844, the Oregon Territory passed its first of many laws prohibiting free Black people from moving into the area. Violators would be whipped. The groovy, liberal left west coast hasn’t always been so groovy.

Greg Abbott signed a bill that vetoed water breaks for outdoor workers. A postal worker in Dallas died of heat stroke on the job 6 days after Abbott signed the bill repealing heat protections for workers.

Trump spoke at the Faith and Freedom Coalition conference over the weekend and told the audience “I was indicted for you.” He considers the criminal charges against him a “badge of courage.”

Marines have no confirmed commandant for the first time in 164 years because of Dumb Jock Tubby the Tuba Tommy Tuberville. The idiots in Alabama chose Tubby the Tuba Tommy Tuberville over Doug Jones to be their senator. Tubby is so stupid he said that the United States fought WW2 to liberate France from “socialism and communism.” He’s been blocking military appointments to protest the White House’s stand on abortion in the Pentagon. He said, “I will keep my hold until the Pentagon follows the law and Congress changes the law.” He blew off voting to be at Bedminster the night Trump made his speech after being arraigned in Florida. Tuberville had a role to play in January 6. He had just been elected but he was tasked with delaying the count in Congress. Rudy called him to tell him to slow down the count.

Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks her TV in DC turns on by itself because it’s spying on her.

Russia experienced an attempted coup over the weekend. Yevgeny Prigozhin, a former Putin ally and the owner of the Wagner paramilitary group, called on his troops to oust Russia’s military leadership. They had been fighting in Ukraine and then turned their guns on the Russian military after Wagner claimed they were attacked by the Russian army, killing dozens of his men. Russia was invaded by its own mercenaries. They were headed for Moscow and then a supposed deal was made. The armed coup only lasted 36 hours.

Yevgeny Prigozhin was indicted in DC by Special Counsel Mueller for interfering in the US 2016 election to help the Trump campaign.

Fox News’ Maria Bartiromo said that the Biden administration cooked up the Russia coup story to deflect attention from Hunter Biden.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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