Kooks or Flukes

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJan 5, 2024

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Voters in Illinois and Massachusetts have taken the necessary steps to take Trump off of the 2024 ballot.

A nut with a gun in Denver busted into a building where the Colorado Supreme Court is located and opened fire. Nobody was hurt. It’s not known yet if he’s a MAGA out to shoot justices for removing Trump from the ballot or if he’s a nut with a gun running wild.

Capitol and state buildings in half a dozen states were shut down. People had to be evacuated because of bomb threats which interrupted court proceedings. No bombs were found and nobody knows yet who called in the threats. Is it a MAGA prankster thinking it would be funny to create chaos with a bomb threat or is it a dangerous lunatic with guns and bombs?

A 17 year old white student went into his high school in Iowa and started shooting people, hitting 5. One of them was the principal. Another was a sixth grader. He died. The shooter shot and killed himself. Kids say he was bullied. Bullied or not, 5 people wouldn’t have been shot if that kid hadn’t have gotten his hands on a gun.

A 72 year old MAGA in Florida, Michael Shapiro, was arrested for threatening to kill Democratic congressman Eric Swalwell and his whole family.

Republicans are back at the border for some more performative politics. They can’t use abortion anymore to get people worked up so they’ve switched to racism. Matt Gaetz is there of course. He said, “We’ve heard messages from stakeholders today here in Texas. They want to see us shut down the border or shut down the government.” Here we go. Republicans are going to shut down the government again soon over the border. Immigration is a job for Congress. None of the 27 bills that passed last year had to do with immigration. Republicans have no intention of doing anything about the border. They need immigration and the border so their voters can blame Biden and stay mad at foreigners until election day.

Remember when Trump promised MAGAs that he was going to build a wall and have Mexico pay for it? He never did so now they’re blaming Biden.

Steve Bannon was convicted of ripping MAGAs off with a fake “build the wall” fund but hasn’t gone to jail for it yet because he’s rich. Grifted MAGAs don’t blame him or Trump. They blame Biden.

Proud Boy Christopher Worrell has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for attacking the Capitol.

1,200 people have been arrested for attacking the Capitol. 900 have been sentenced so far.

The DOJ still hasn’t caught the person who planted the pipe bomb at the DNC and RNC headquarters in DC the night before the insurrection. Nobody has ratted anybody out yet, even with a $500,000 reward.

Marjorie Taylor Greene booked a hotel for tomorrow, the three year anniversary of the insurrection, that she said was a book signing event for the book she wrote that nobody bought. What she was really planning on doing was celebrating the anniversary of January 6. When the hotel found out what she was really up to, they cancelled her.

Tomorrow President Biden will mark the third anniversary of the attack on our democracy at a key site from the Revolutionary War. This will set the tone for the campaign year. His speech will be on the fate of American democracy. Trump and his coup attempt will be an important part of Biden’s 2024 campaign messaging. GOOD. BRING IT ON.

As the Republicans continue to “investigate” Biden and his family for high crimes and misdemeanors, the Democrats have released new documents that show that Trump received up to $7.8 million dollars from 24 foreign governments during the first two years of his presidency. China paid the most to Trump’s businesses, spending more than $5.5 million at Trump Tower in New York and two Trump hotels in Washington and Las Vegas. Saudi Arabia and Qatar spent over $2 million to live high on the hog at Trump hotels. The Constitution prohibits a president from accepting money, payments or gifts “of any kind whatever” from foreign governments unless he obtains “the consent of the Congress.” Ya, right. The documents say that Trump “planned to donate foreign profits from his hotels to the US Treasury Department.” Ya, right. Nope. No way.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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